#and also have to go to sports this week even if i despise the subject and the teacher cvvhgfgf FUCKIN HELL 😭😭😭

[kaserollymoved]

Shit I remembered the exams sessions are getting closer and closer hhhghgcgf I'm not emotionally prepared for this 🥲

[cookiepotofchaos]

As women's football grows, for all the positives, there is also a growing volume of homophobia, misogyny, racism and other bigotries. I dreaded it, hoped it wouldn't be the case, but knew it was a painfully likely possibility.

I've seen a lot of it this week and last, seems like more than I have before, so I'm just working through some frustration and anger.

(cont. below cut)

It's not like it didn't exist at all before. We know players have been subject to awful abuse previously; a quick search will bring that up. With those who hate women's football even existing, it has never been a surprise to see those abhorrent views, but it's increasingly coming from people who call themselves fans of women's football.

The overt bigotry is horrible: condemning players to hell, accusing them of grooming younger players, and throwing out comments like "I want all the gays out of my club" or "lesbians are ruining the women's game" or "lesbians should just not be allowed in football clubs, they fall in love and cause problems", as if lesbian and other sapphic players haven't driven women's football forward for decades. Haven't been the core of women's football, probably since its inception.

Jess Carter's social media comments sections on and off the last few months have been a source of an ever growing blocklist of homophobes.

I've seen claims that the USWNT are better again because they "got rids of the gays". As if there aren't gay players on the team, out publicly and otherwise.

But there's the less obvious bigotry growing, too, which I see and have to weed out of the algorithm constantly on TikTok. Using trends to insult players or demean them, pitting players against each other and using terms and implications rooted in bigotry to do so. Then claiming it's just banter or club rivalry and that's all "part of sports".

It's the edits where a player is juxtaposed with another one, claiming one is utter shit and doesn't deserve to be thought positively of compared to another player, and how often the player being put down is a woman of colour. At least half the ones from accounts I've blocked, the player has been LJ. The comments sections of those are awful.

It's the edits with those daft vertical bar charts of the amount of Talent vs Popularity a player has, asking which players are over-popular but terrible footballers, with comments sections filled with thinly veiled misogyny or racism or homophobia. You want to know who has that little talent in football? Me. Any footballer who is better than me is automatically excluded as a response to those silly edits.

Then people on heavily algorithmically reliant social media are stunned that their messages insulting players and pushing thinly veiled bigotry are attracting outright hateful people who despise all women's sports. "Why are there so many homophobes and racists finding my edit/post/tweet? How did it end up on that side of TikTok/Twitter?". Probably because the algorithm thought what you were saying would resonate with homophobes and racists and misogynists. Or one asshole found it, agreed with what you were saying, and as soon as they responded, you were pulled into that part of the algorithm.

Might want to consider why?

I hate that this is probably going to become more and more commonplace. I want it drowned out with positivity, with love of women's sports. I'll find a way to just keep looking at the good; like I said, just working through some feelings. But I wish this wasn't happening at all.

[devoured-by-shadows]

Thank you @lurancyvenom for tagging me! 🖤❤️🖤 No, I have not forgotten about it, even if it took some time 😅

Are you named after anyone?

No, I'm not. My parents just decided to go for a name they both liked and which is reasonably common where I'm from.

When was the last time you cried?

Uh. Uhm. Good question? At some point last week, I suppose. I honestly cry easily.

Do you have kids?

No, and I don't see myself having any. It's just not for me.

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

In "real life" and with people I know I always use sarcasm. Like, it's my main method of communication. On the internet I'm more careful, as it doesn't translate that well in writing.

What's the first thing you notice about people?

That's actually a hard question. But how they behave around other people is important to me. Plus, I always look into their eyes. They're called the windows to the soul for a reason.

What's your eye colour?

Dark hazel. You could also say, a muddy brownish green.

Scary movies or happy endings?

Depends, really. I'm not one for horror movies though. So probably happy endings, but I absolutely despise clichéd happy endings.

Any special talents?

Picking up even the accent in a certain language. When I speak English, most people assume I'm actually from England. Oops. Also, I've been told I change my mannerisms according to the language I currently talk in.

Where were you born?

Most people will know by now I'm German.

Hobbies?

Drawing, painting, reading, listening to music, going to concerts, travelling to foreign cities (also for concerts), sometimes learning a language, sometimes an instrument. I love learning new stuff.

Pets?

No, unfortunately not. Maybe a cat at some point?

What sports do you play/have played?

Not a really sporty person here. I've been somewhat ok at volleyball at school though.

How tall are you?

5'11''/1.80cm. Long and somewhat lanky. Great for concerts, not so great for buying trousers or in airplanes.

Favourite subject in school?

To everyone's certain surprise, physics and mathematics. Although I also loved English (as a foreign language) and art (well, of course I did).

Dream job?

As a kid I wanted to become an astronaut. I've long decided that it is not for me, but I may still get close to that :)

As I've waited a really long time to finish that tag game, I honestly have no idea anymore who already did it. Sooooo, apart from whom I've seen that you have tagged: @cardi-c @ramblingoak @scrunklybunny @nocturnal-birb @everybodyshusband @sphylor @anamelessfool Feel free to ignore (or let it sit in your inbox for as long as you like 😆)!

[precious-pop-punk-nerd-girl]

Thanks for the tag!

Are you named after anyone?

Nope! My parents literally flipped through the name book and were like yup that will be our daughter's name.

When was the last time you cried?

Uh roughly 2 weeks ago? My schedule is so packed that I literally don't even have time to cry! (I also don't cry that easily)

Do you have kids?

If I had kids while going to engineering school, I think I'd be dead rn. Besides I actually despise children lmao

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

It's my primary language.

What's the first thing you notice about people?

Tbh it depends on the person. I overanalyze things about people very often, so most of the time my first impressions of ppl are wrong, but sometimes they're right (ex. if they have strong creepy vibes).

What's your eye color?

Also brown!

Scary movies or happy endings?

I'll be honest, most times it's neither. Happy endings are great and stuff but most of the time they're too lovey dovey for me or whatever. As a person who sorta kinda identifies with the aroflux label, I'm not always up for that shit. Scary movies are the same way. I'm easily scared, but sometimes I'm down to be scared.

Any special talents?

I mean I wouldn't say any of the talents I know I possess are special, but I suppose the most unique one I can think of is that I can use chopsticks with either hand! (very fucking Asian of me, ik)

Where were you born?

Marylander through and through! (Unfortunately part of the states)

What are your hobbies?

Drawing, playing Dungeons and Dragons, cooking, sometimes writing and always vibing to music!

Have any pets?

Nope I have cat and dog allergies:,(

What sports do you play/ have you played?

Closest thing to sports I did was color guard. And dancing. I was always an arts person.

How tall are you?

5'4!

Favorite subject in school?

Well currently I'm in engineering school and my favorite classes have been intro to feminist theory and fluid mechanics (two very different things lmaooo)

Dream job?

Currently, the dream is to work for the food industry, but just consumer goods in general would be cool! Otherwise, idk probably a comic book artist or smth

Idk who to tag so if you'd like to, consider yourself tagged:)

Get to know me (Take Two)

Thank you for the tag @the-type-a 💕

Are you named after anyone?: The story I was told was I was six weeks old and still no name, but my mam was watching a breakfast news show thing and on came a little girl with blonde hair and blue eyes and her name was Chloe. So yes, I am named after a random child on TV.

When was the last time you cried?: Tuesday. I cry every Tuesday in work apparently.

Do you have kids?: I do not and I want not. I like being the fun person in kids lives, who takes them to the park or the arcade and buys them Mcdonalds and sweets etc But I love being able to hand them back at the end of the day.

Do you use sarcasm a lot?: I’m gonna say yes, not really intentionally it’s just ingrained in me.

What’s the first thing you notice about people?: If it’s just someone in passing then usually their outfit. If it’s someone new I’m meeting then usually how they talk, tone and words they use.

What’s your eye color?: Blue!

Scary movies or happy endings?: Happy endings all the way! I don’t like horror.

Any special talents?: My job involves using UK postcodes a lot, so I’ve subconsciously memorized areas. Everyone I work with knows if they give me a postcode I will know exactly where it is, what the nearest town/city is etc, it’s a useless talent 😂

Where were you born?: I am from Swansea, which is a city in South Wales, UK.

What are your hobbies?: I’d love to say reading and writing but I’m very bad at finding time and energy to do both 😂

Have any pets?: I’ve always had multiple pets but I am currently down to one, my very old cat Gizzy 🥰

What sports do you play/have played?: I have tried a lot of sports in my life but I never liked any. Football, rugby, rounders, cricket, basketball, netball, gymnastics, dance, swimming, cycling, ice skating, running, martial arts. My parents made me try everything I could.

How tall are you?: 5ft 7, I wish I was shorter

Favorite subject in school?: I loved Drama, getting to act was so much fun. And English, but I think it was just because I liked creative writing and had a really cool teacher. 

Dream job?: My dream is to not need to work but I don’t think I’ll ever get there. My last dream job was working on a cruise ship, probably in some kind of customer service role. I don’t really know what I have a feel for right now.

Thanks so much!

Tagging: @lotsofloveish @xwhatababex @toobadchadlytime

[shoichee]

KNB OC

Name: Shirobi Arisu

School: Touou Academy

Zodiac: Pisces

Note: I gave it an attempt to draw her portraits in the Production I.G artstyle! Excuse the lazy anatomy and messy sketch lines, er... hope they don’t distract you too bad? Also EXTREMELY long profile, hence the cut! This is a 300-follower special, but perhaps I’ll do something with Shirobi in the future! (Shirobi is her surname, Arisu is her first name)

Appearances

Personality

she is very much described to be “fox-like” in demeanor, slipping in and out of conversations naturally and with ease, being able to show different aspects and sides of her to different types of people

her default persona in encountering new people is a noble, unassuming/demure one in order to gauge how they interact with her before adjusting accordingly // you can see what that looks like here

a very innate actress, but the most cynical description of her would be “two-faced,” though it’s important to note that her personas are not so drastic that they seem like different people (like Akashi’s situation); perhaps if someone was keenly observing her for a while, they would notice

she does subtle shifts in aspects of her personality’s repertoire because of: 1.) becoming more compatible with people, and thus, having the most efficient conversations without having “annoying, unnecessary” conflicts with them, and 2.) studying people in different social settings is interesting to her

as a result of her jumping around and exploring different sides of her to different people daily, she does wind up suffering from mini identity crises and mental exhaustion very frequently

after a whole dismantle of her *mostly harmless* mind schemes (particularly by a close friend or two later on), her “true self” would be a deflective “tsundere-like” character, since her visceral reaction is for her to always slip into a convenient persona for the situation rather than being initially honest with herself and the people around her, and without the security of a “persona,” she gets flustered and embarrassed very *very* easily

hobbies in her free time include either being alone to sleep and not worrying about how to present herself or reading various works of (non)fiction (of many genres)/psychology to study people and how they tick (bonus: became a recent internet junkie after finding greater convenience in just finding articles and blogs instantly with a simple click)

irony: she finds talking to people inconvenient and tiring but she finds it intriguing to study them in all aspects of behavioral, cultural, and social means (so she kind of has to talk with people)

certified ambivert

if she does approach to someone, it’s almost never for the reasons of “making friends;” if there is no intellectual gain nor tangible benefit from talking, then she won’t bother partaking in it

because of her recent upbringing, while she may not show it, she despises arguments and fights, so when situations escalate, she will attempt to either smoothly divert the subject elsewhere and/or trivialize the matter to a degree; if all else fails, she will simply disengage from the conversation (essentially avoiding confrontation) // note: see “background” section for context

Teiko-era Personality

pleasant and friendly, albeit shy

perfect example of a polite goody two-shoes and teachers’ pet but still respected among her classmates for her genuine cordiality

very reserved individual but at this time was slowly breaking out of her shell to try to befriend her classmates to distract her mind from thinking about her home life

post-divorce/3rd year of Teiko: see “background” section for context

               *while still maintaining her amiable grace, she slowly detached herself from her acquaintances and classmates, keeping to herself a lot more while critically studying them increasingly as months went by; she began to talk with others only when it was a necessity

                                   *(occurred during her 1st year of Touou) a few months after she graduated from Teiko, she stopped going to the gym after school to observe the first string’s practices and only went to their games for Kōzō’s sake (especially when he fell ill) // her observant skills quickly picked up, even from their games alone, that the Teiko team’s dynamics have completely changed (which she relates this revelation back to Kōzō in the hospital)

                                   *her current personality will hit full force once she enters high school after graduating from Teiko

“Last Game” Personality

reverted mostly back to her genuine, cordial self, but is still very spontaneous in showing different aspects of her personality in different situations, although most who know her can see right through her now (unless she really wanted to fool them, she probably could)

attempts to be more honest with herself and with others, especially in trying to unpack years of compartmentalization starting from her Teiko years

if she’s caught off guard, she will definitely become a flustered tsundere type of person

a happier person now that she’s made friends to rely on (•̀ᴗ•́)و (e.g. Momoi and Sakurai)

Background/Family

her multifaceted personality stemmed from her home life, where her parents became increasingly volatile and erratic when interacting with each other before they finally divorced her 2nd year of middle school

she constantly observed how her parents would initially act romantic on some days, but on many other days, they’d either tiptoe carefully around each other during conversations or they’d immediately fight

                    *rather than focusing on the discord of her home, she’d observe how they’d interact with each other in every situation and how despite being the two same individuals, they both act differently with each other every time they meet, thus feeding her intrigue on how individuals act in various social settings and cues

her parents would later on (shortly before divorcing) only meet up for motives of financial discussions, decisions on who she would live with for the week, etc. and they would no longer spend time together out of sentiment and love

                    *this imprinted into her belief that conversations that bring mutual benefit/reward are much better than other casual interactions, since she sees that they don’t provoke the unnecessary conflict/fights like other interactions do (e.g. seeing her parents fight when they talk about anything else)

Kōzō Shirogane (her great uncle, Teiko’s ex-coach) and Eiji Shirogane (a distant relative, Rakuzan’s current coach) are both from her father’s side of the family, hence she attended Teiko on behalf of Kōzō’s request in exchange for him paying for all of her school’s expenses (he wanted to spend more time with his great niece before he fell completely ill)

she and Kōzō would often be on the upper floor to observe practices together, and she would be immersed in studying how players would interact with each other on and off of courts; he was the one that got her into watching sports games (basketball in particular)

she graduated from Teiko a year before the GoMs did but would frequently visit their practices after school with Kōzō (until he fell ill)

she took after her mother’s surname after the divorce

Kōzō Shirogane fell ill shortly after her parents’ divorce

after graduating from middle school, she lives alone in an apartment under Shirogane’s name

she is not close with her parents but goes to visit each of them separately once in a while when Kōzō makes her go see them

she sees Kōzō as more of the father figure and cares deeply for him, and as for Eiji, she respects and admires him, but she isn’t close with him

ever since Kōzō fell ill, she would visit him in the hospital biweekly and update him on highlights from critical games from middle school and later on, inter-high and winter cup

Headcanons

she is the opposite of Kuroko in which she has a huge presence; it could be because of her hair color, hair pins, the many ways she carries herself throughout the day, or all of the above

why does she wear tons of hairpins? we don’t know, but she thinks they look nice and keeps the unruly hair out (for convenience)

sports games are fun for her to watch up close IRL because she can detect/study the mental games and simulations sparking across different players without having to talk to other people at all // televised games are useless because they cut a lot footage and cameras jump around too much for her to discern anything cohesive on the players

(if she ever got to speak with them) the most interesting people for her to converse with and study would be Midorima (because of his oha asa’s obsessions), Imayoshi, Hanamiya, Akashi, Teppei, Mitobe (she can actually understand him), and Momoi (when she doesn’t fawn over Kuroko)

no one knows what to genuinely get her for her birthday, let alone knowing her actual birthday; the closest thing they know is her zodiac sign

                     *throughout her deduced “birthday month,” different people will approach her with different gifts with what they thought she was interested in (because of her different personas she exhibited with each person): porn mags, antiques, shopping coupons, snacks, comic gags, etc.

                     *she keeps her birthday on the down low to prevent any chances of people being suspicious of her character when they try to throw a party for her and realizing she has these drastic “hobbies” and “interests” with each person // plus she doesn’t see a point of having a party because she knows how these familiar acquaintances would act in this particular situation

                     *she’s a fan of attending other people’s parties to observe them without being in the spotlight for once

she could be considered as part of the “uncrowned” generation considering her cognitive/mental skills and deduction (and she’s the same year as them)

                     *she and riko could be rivals as 2nd years in that sense, along with Momoi when she becomes a 1st year

Role/Skill

if she ever joined a sports club, her critical role would be monitoring and improving cognitive (mental) acuity especially in the following brain functions of: information processing, memory storage, attention, and situational judgement (and how they all respond and handle high pressure), since she’s so keen on studying people and how they act in different situations

she would also study opponents’ levels of acuity especially during huge pressure and high stakes

she will note environmental factors as well as lifestyles on every player; home players would get the according lists of tasks to work on to improve their acuity (which may include diet changes, mental exercises, adjusted sleep schedules, etc.) on their own and get tested on set dates

                 *will also initially ask home players to do a quick self-survey on possible genetic factors that would affect cognitive performance as well as any prescription/drug history

during club hours, she shows a very professional, polite side that purposefully distances herself from the rest of the team, and she is initially solely there to do her job and get compensations from the coach (until eventually she stays because she actually cares for the team)

Interactions

Kuroko: (Teiko + present)

polite with each other, although both will joke with each other in such a way that others can’t really tell if a joke just passed between them or if they’re being serious

she shifts her personality to be slightly more deadpan and delivers more dry humor when she’s around Kuroko

bonus: she addresses him with the nickname “Kurokuro” with the deadpan delivery, and others don’t know whether to laugh or be concerned

she doesn’t jump from his sudden appearances; while she doesn’t detect where he pops up most of the time, when he does, she just shrugs it off casually or does the dry “ahh i’m scared” or “wahhh you scared me” with surrendering hand motions whenever people around her get a genuine jumpscare from him

Kise: (Teiko + present)

with him she becomes more expressive and mildly snickers at their jokes together

the moment his fans come though, she’ll ditch him no questions asked; their constant interrogations and verbal grillings + fangirling are inconvenient to deal with // she’ll observe their behaviors from afar and take note on fan culture though, so she wouldn’t ditch him per say

she finds the fact that Kise can switch between a serious, determined persona and a flamboyant, energetic one so quickly really intriguing to witness every single time

Kise turns to her for mundane advice because “she’s just smart,” but she finds it really annoying and often gives him vague (but still valid) answers to shoo him away

Midorima: (Teiko + present)

she talks to him the most, mostly because his oha asa obsessions and meticulous rituals and schedules are ridiculously fascinating

she takes on a more serious persona (which is easy since she’s a pretty serious-like person to begin with) and subtly challenges Midorima, poking and prodding with very well-veiled questions to uncover the bottom of his obsessions

she does study up a bit of astrology and arcana books because of Midorima // one day he caught her with an astrology book on hand, and he immediately assumed she was into horoscopes as well, to which she did not deny a thing and let him convinced himself that she was (she’s gotta do what she’s gotta do)

after that ordeal, he gave her lucky items for her sign sometimes back in the Teiko days

just two smart brains having casual conversations about school

in the present day, if Takao was there, her persona switches to the one similar to what she’d use with Kise, and both would make snide remarks about Midorima

Midorima is slightly confused in seeing a subtly different side to her but he figured it was just Takao’s antics

Aomine: (Teiko + present)

when it was the days of “Puremine,” she was a supportive character, being slightly more blunt and more outspoken

she was extremely observant of his talent, and she was one of the first people to notice that he was going to bloom in talent before anyone else while also knowing its consequences // she subtly dropped hints for Aomine to slow down his pace in practicing, playing, etc. and to take a step back from basketball, but the blue-haired boy was an idiot so he didn’t pick them up one bit ((AKASHI DID THOUGH, UH))

with current Aomine, she’s presenting a more indifferent persona while further pushing a blunter side of herself when interacting with Aomine

like Imayoshi, she’s picked up on his dilemma and inner turmoil very quickly, but she wasn’t like Momoi who was actively trying to help him // she wasn’t enthusiastic in exerting effort when she knew that what he really needed to have his conflicts resolved was a definitive showdown on the courts

she doesn’t understand the appeal of porn mags at all, but feigns interest in them especially around Aomine (when they attend Touou Academy) to figure out why are people at her age so enthralled by them; Aomine definitely thinks she’s into them and gets her mags of half naked people for her and he’s extremely smug about it (“because we’re bros together” // “you’re welcome,” as he slaps her back way too hard)

she doesn��t really hang out with Aomine in Touou, maybe sometimes after school when she finds him up in the rooftop skipping practice when she’s in the mood to study how he ticks and annoy him for certain reactions to either prove/debunk her predictions

Momoi (Teiko + present)

she takes on a “girlier” and “cutesy” personality to be more compatible with Momoi to get along with her common interests

doesn’t really hang out with Momoi during the Teiko days unless Momoi approached her first with either data analyses, questions, or pleas to come with her to either: go shopping, drag Aomine, follow around Kuroko, etc.

Momoi addresses to her as “senpai” or “chan”

(during Teiko and present) asks her questions about her “love life” with Kuroko in a way that makes Momoi think she’s someone who believes in romance and lovey dovey things (she’s quite neutral about it IRL)

when Momoi finds out they both ended up at Touou, Momoi pounces on her every chance they get and drags her around because “we’re best friends!” // she goes along with it just to see how things turn out

she ends up being Momoi’s listening ear as she rants about Aomine’s awful habits or her worries about the team

Momoi begs and pleads her to join the team and assist them in some way; she outright refused, but Momoi is also intelligent in which she comes up with new offers everyday to try to convince her

she finally agrees when Momoi asked the coach to pay her a weekly salary (poor guy, but then again he’s rich) for her work and take Momoi’s word that the addition of her would be nothing but beneficial for the team’s success

because they're both on the same team together, they both spend even more time together to do analyses on both their own team members and other schools’ players

attends Touou’s games and only watches from first row seats in the audience in order to conduct naturalistic observations on both teams; she will never be on the benches unless it’s the semi-finals onwards

Murasakibara: (Teiko + present)

there isn’t much to study on this guy; he’s as straightforward as a single-file line

she either acts more of a casual childlike persona (by calling him “Muramura” or “Sakisaki-san”) or exhibits more of a stern, serious side (e.g. the persona used with Midorima) depending on the situation/context

she definitely bribes him with snacks and food to do convenient favors (in addition to using childish nicknames), or she throws the snacks far, gives them to someone else, eats them in front of him, etc. to elicit reactions from the man-child

she knows it’s better for her own good to NOT purposely provoke the scary side of Murasakibara, but when that side does come out for other reasons, it’s showtime for her; she’s going to be observing him with hidden glee

she doesn’t talk with him after graduating from Teiko; the next time she’ll see him is during the winter cup, particularly with yosen vs. seirin // it’s another movie marathon for her just watching every players and how they interact with each other (a LITERAL showdown between Teppei and Murasakibara.... Kagami and Himuro.... Himuro and Murasakibara—yeah it’s a field day)

Akashi: (Teiko + present)

she and ore-Akashi get along swell; she is at her surface self the most when conversing with him, not having a need to adjust herself that much from her initial “polite” persona

lots of theoretical talks and hypotheses in studying people and the world; they both respect each other very much

boku-Akashi is a different story; she starts avoiding him tactfully after his other side awakens

the saying “it takes one to know one” is especially true in this case: Akashi is very much aware of her two-facedness, and she is uncomfortable at the fact of him knowing such an innermost secret about herself

at the same time, she knows about where his “other side” “disappeared” to, whereas no one else hadn’t had a clue

both know about each other’s gimmicks and personalities, and throughout the rest of their years at Teiko, it’s a bunch of mind games and careful maneuverings around each other

Akashi finds it thrilling because it’s reminiscent of shogi

she finds this stressful because what the hell please leave me alone i’m trying to avoid you

after she got over her initial anxiety of this newfound revelation of new Akashi, she carefully treads this game and takes the advantage to study how this new side of Akashi ticks

he DEFINITELY caught what she was trying to do with Aomine in dropping hints; in response, he used his role as captain to push Aomine to try harder in games

she DEFINITELY caught what he was trying to do in pushing Aomine in “motivating” him; problem was, she wasn’t going to sacrifice her effort, wellbeing, and life to go against Akashi

after graduating from Teiko, when she still used to observe their practices and games, she was still very much uneasy and tried to downplay her presence to avoid Akashi’s scrutiny (sadly, her presence is too significant) // she really wished she was a Kuroko

she was able to breathe easier once she finds out later that they’re both going to different high schools; she continues to watch more of Rakuzan’s games after finding out that’s where Akashi ended up attending to figure his dynamics with his team + basketball and then predict his current mannerisms off the courts

when ore-Akashi comes back, she’s suspicious at first, but after confirming his character in person, she’s relieved that the “old him” was back (but slightly disappointed that his other self is gone // she kind of found that side of him more interesting to observe)

he still knows how many personas she has under her disposal, but he isn’t going to snitch any time soon

GoMs together: (Teiko + present)

to not give away the fact that she shows different sides to everyone, when everyone gathers/is nearby, she (at least attempts to) becomes a wallflower to observe everyone and act appropriately in the situation if she’s ever addressed to in the group; her name will always come up in some shape or form so she’s prepared to present a neutral persona without throwing people off

since the GoMs all attend different schools, it’s easier for her to socially maneuver around, however she is still cautious when near crowds (before/after games) and groups of people (such as Touou’s team) because they tend to call her over (but she’ll smoothly pretend she didn’t hear/was preoccupied and she’ll slip away)

Haizaki: (Teiko + present)

dear god, she hoped not to ever directly interact with him

he was a morbidly interesting person to observe, from far away // she’s trying to comprehend how this one middle schooler is already so immoral and violent

he’s definitely tried to hit on her, but she smoothly slipped away before he did anything else

it was a never-ending game of weasel and snake; he fancied her because she was someone who was mysterious and “hard to get,” but she’s always slipping away because he was extremely annoying to converse with and she definitely doesn’t want to end up in a fist fight with this guy

this constant chasing was significantly quashed after Akashi ordered him to quit the team (who’s to say that Akashi hadn’t also noticed that Haizaki was trying to harass her? respect women juice)

Haizaki noticed her outside the stadium before his match with kaijo a year later; she was outside ready to enter in before he blocked her way, but after a lot of sugar coating and sidestepping to try to diffuse the situation (she fooled him by feigning interest in him using a slightly more flirtatious, sly persona), she escaped from his grasp once again // it agitated him and that’s why he continued to prowl around outside before he chanced upon Alex and Himuro

Imayoshi: (present)

this guy is an Akashi; he picked up on her multifaceted personality frighteningly fast

except that instead of being wary and observant of her like Akashi would, this guy openly makes passive-aggressive remarks referring to her personality; no one except her would understand his real intentions behind those comments (they inwardly scare and piss her off)

he also had the upperclassman advantages to openly talk to her very casually and harp on her (on the other hand, Akashi was a year younger than her), so he very much does every thing to get under her skin and rile her up

she employs a more sarcastic persona to match up with Imayoshi, but that just makes him more determine to break her facades; in the end, to keep her cool, she just settled for a default polite persona while still shooting occasional flippant responses at him

TLDR; this guy has the same hobby as she does in getting reactions out of people to study them, except Imayoshi is an actual psychic in deciphering people out; perhaps he’s even better at these things than her

Momoi unintentionally helps her out by always telling Imayoshi to “stop bothering her so much,” and all he does is a mock-surrender, replying cheerfully that it was all in good fun

he definitely makes her job harder by trying to be a smartass when she gives him instructions and lists in how to improve his mental acuity; she quickly shuts his attempts down, and he always calls her an “absolute killjoy”

while she knows it’s beneficial to observe an individual who has a similar hobby like herself to see and compare the similarities/differences, Imayoshi makes it really difficult because his keen senses plus her huge presence makes him able to pick her out most of the time

                     *she’s only able to safely observe him when he’s on the courts

                     *other times, she dutifully avoids him unless when she’s doing her job

are they friends? it’s hard to say; they act like they’re familiar with each other but it’s a love-hate relationship // she respects his intuition but she frowns on his personality (it’s the fact that he acts like he knows everything and she knows he also puts up a few “nice guy” facades of his own)

he’s probably the first guy to actually break through her personas completely and get her to snap and yell at him unabashedly one evening when they were walking to a nearby convenience store because he was tagging along (Momoi was with Aomine at the time)

                     *at that moment, she probably also gave Imayoshi a shock for his life for the first time outside of the games

                     *she coughed and went back to her polite persona like nothing happened and that just made him so much more amused

they’re frenemies and rivals, trying to outdo the other in poking each other mentally and out-acting the other

Sakurai: (present)

first impressions of this kid: she pities him a lot

sometimes, she says various things to see if he‘ll apologize just to see which trigger words get him in a sweat to say “sorry”

she’ll either be a *gentler* polite person or take on a more stern/serious side (used with Midorima and sometimes Murasakibara); the latter would be used to try to toughen the poor guy up mentally

increasing Sakurai’s cognitive acuity would be the most difficult considering the fact that (combined with Momoi’s data) there’s a direct relationship between his physical and mental stamina; if he’s extremely exhausted, his mental sharpness declines dramatically along with it

he’s not considered the sharpest tool in the shed, and his naiveté tends to show when he asks innocent questions about her and her life, and one day, this guy accidentally hit the nail on the head when he asked about her family out of curiosity, which was her touchiest subject

                     *she did have a moment of shock and took some time to recollect herself and deflect the subject elsewhere, but Sakurai picked her hesitance up as a sign of offense and spewed a plethora of apologies (to which she had to calm the boy down)

                     *from that point on, although still curious, he became a lot more observant and cautious of how she acts around other people (at first he was watching so he can learn how to not offend her and overstep his boundaries)

as time progresses (especially after their loss at the winter cup), and the more Sakurai just asks her about many things, she does loosen up around him; he does eventually bring up the topic of family (not necessarily hers, but his own) to try to encourage her to talk about her own

Sakurai would be the type of person to be uncharacteristically determined and blunt in particular situations with people whom he considers his friends: here, he would confront her and asked if she was alright and if things were going okay at home

                     *out of curiosity in where he got that confidence boost and respect for him being mentally stronger, she does open up slowly one topic/talk at a time spread out for the next few weeks

both of their different curiosities for each other would lead to them being close friends ´･ᴗ･` (she makes him a more self-assured person and he gives her time to be her true self [or at least develop one], and other than annoying her with his occasional sorry’s, he doesn’t overwhelm her with his presence)

[sagessoftwings]

Hi! Can I have a marvel matchup please???

Appearance : 5'4 ace/heteromantic gemini girl ambivert.Dark brown hair/eyes(glasses) a little chubby/muscled and pale skin+permanent smirk/smile/ neutral face. My style varies a lot (always comfy) but I never wear dresses heels/makeup. I love to imagine outfits with symbols from fandoms or my own drawings so I have a rather unique style who changes a lot

MBTI: INTP (I am an ambivert but oh well)

Personality : .Sassy sarcastic a little naive but I have a backbone (don't bother flirting with me and if you feel that I am flirting with you which happens a lot then it's just my personality and on the rare occasion I notice they have to confess or I won't believe it) ,calculative,protective,creative,expressive,,tsundere,manipulative,a devil's advocate,prideful,charismatic,smartass,bookworm,daydreamer,a little insensitive/blunt because I'm more on the logical side so I don't really understand or recognize emotions,vengeful,mischievous,a huge tease,open minded,very curious,gets annoyed easily,impatient so kind of a bad temper,observant but not romantically,sadistic to a point but my conscience prevents me from doing these acts.Indifferent to many things,open minded,morally...unique. With my friends I am either laughing, goofing around or annoyed. Those who don't talk to me see me as a nerd aggressive smart and blunt person ( even prideful) and strangers as a polite sweetheart. But I am a chaotic good/neutral. I notice a lot of details because I don't let my guard down even if I daydream plus I have a photographic + sound memory and they work very well in all situations which can be a bother when I try to concentrate which is difficult for me because I get distracted easily.

Dislikes: I hate injustice and fight for my beliefs. I have trust issues so I never talk about my problems and will use humor when confronted. Daylight. Cooking. Slow things or people. When I get teased a lot (yes I am a hypocrite here). People who don't pay attention to a conversation and then ask to repeat it more than once. People who change side easily and always criticize forgetting themselves. I tend to be aggressive and expose an annoyed face easily (I am moody), plus I hate orders and love pressing people's buttons it's funny(in a fun way rarely in a mean one) unless it's a sensitive subject

Likes: I love cats/laughter/sweets/pranks/dark humour/ a true crime and Supernatural enthusiast and I love science especially concerning space, chemistry, robotic and psychology. Books, sleep, drawing and video games too. Oh and debates I love them. Surprises too I hate routine and runs away from it

Hobbits : Reading, getting lost in a book, drawing, learning, debating, daydreaming, sports (fighting ones), art (music/drawing/writing) and video games

have some bad habits like biting my nails (I just got rid of it)/lips and moving my leg up and down because I am always nervous, disorganized room/sleep and eating schedule plus I am lazy. Of course if someone tried to address my problems I will change the subject or use humor. I don't understand a lot of references because I'm either too lazy to watch or I don't care/predictable. Also I might try to hide it but I am very competitive and a sore loser

What I look for in a relationship: A smart crackhead. Someone who will give me space because I will seem distant. A patient person since I don't open up easily. Also cuddles and trust and debates. Surprises too because if it gets boring I will run.

Thank you!

I can totally see you with someone like Bucky Barnes

You two are literally each others safe scape

You two are totally sarcastic with each other and love to just be in each others presence

You two come up with little stories about inanimate objects while you’re on a picnic or just bored in other people's presence

Loves to take you for bike rides to a cute little spot and blast oldies while you dance you sweet little hearts out

He learns a lot through you, especially how to loosen up

You notice that he’s more talkative now and more touchy with you

Very very possessive

For once he’s found someone who’s genuine and he adores, he just doesn’t wanna lose you

His favorite thing is how you fight for what you believe, it’s so endearing to him and you’re such a badass

He loves to cook for you, you’re his little test taster because he know how you despise cooking

Will force you to go to the supermarket with him though, in return he’ll buy you whatever candy you want

Will plan little surprises for you on the weekend like a getaway or a full on week long trip

Likes bookstores with you, he often loses you though but it’s adorable when he comes running up to show you a book he found that made him think of you

He also loves watching you read because your reactions just make his day it’s so cute

HE LOVES WATCHING TRUE CRIME WITH YOU

He’ll make anything you want and get facemasks and everything

He will have dumb little debates with you but when you get to something interesting he’s all in

But he always makes sure you two are on a safe understanding when finished

Loves to watch you draw as well, you have so many talents and he adores it

Introduces you to Alpine his lovely white feline and does get a little jealous when he comes home to find you two cuddles up but still loves it

Reads to you while he cooks, very good at multitasking

Let’s you win at video games, he’s so bad at them but the one time he won an accident he wouldn’t stop apologizing cause he felt bad

He still lays awake at night thinking about it

Always makes sure you eat on time because he cares to much

And adores cuddling you good lord

Depends on what your doing but he will lay himself on top of you and pull you close

Hard to get out of his grip in the mornings though

When you need space, you need space he can totally respect that

Please do the same with him, but if he gets in his head you will need to smooch him back to reality

[purplesurveys]

1236

survey by lasertine

10 How's

How did you get one of your scars? I keep recounting the story of my eyebrow scar, so I’ll share something else...I have several scars on both my knees since I was the neighborhood’s clumsiest kid and ALWAYS tripped/stumbled when I played outside. I used to be extremely insecure of my legs, but started to stop caring as I gradually noticed that no one really gives a shit about scars from childhood accidents.

How did you celebrate your last birthday? I went to work, being the workaholic I am. I only celebrated in the evening, when I bought a week’s worth of food for my family and I to feast on. I was honestly fine with it; it was exactly how I wanted my birthday to go as I’ve stopped wanting to make a big deal out of it haha.

How are you feeling at this moment? Weirdly relaxed for a Sunday. The gloomy and cozy weather is probably helping with that.

How did your night go last night? As a fangirl, good! Got lots of new content which is always fun. As a person (lol), it was just fine. I like being able to recharge on weekends and I can never really complain even if I don’t end up doing anything productive.

How did you do in high school? I was a bit all over the place. I exerted some level of effort in my favorite classes but didn’t really do the same for subjects I didn’t care for as much, like home ec, chemistry, math, etc; but on average I managed to get good grades all throughout. Overall, I kinda acknowledged very early on that high school grades weren’t going to matter in the real world so I didn’t make it a point to overexert myself and just focused on having fun and making fond memories in those teen years.

How did you get the shirt you're wearing? I got it from Artwork, a local brand that sells various apparel sporting designs produced by local artists. The branch I got it from has since shut down but I believe the brand is still alive and well.

How often do you see your best friend? I used to see Angela once in a blue moon mainly because our schedules always clashed back when we were still students, but ever since forming our little Army friend group with Reena I’ve been seeing her nearly every week.

How much money did you spend last month? LOL June was actually my worst and most shameful performance when it came to spending...let’s move on...

How old do you want to be when you get married? Kinda happen it would happen by the time I’m in between the ages of 28 and 30, kind of losing hope on it.

How old will you be at your next birthday? 24.

NINE What’s

What is the most important part of your life? I’ve said this several times but it’s really work. I’m aware of my weaknesses at my job and I want nothing more than to improve on those just because my perfectionist ass can’t bear being bad at something I’m supposed to be contributing to lol.

What did you do last weekend? Last Saturday I  watched BTS’ concert in Sao Paulo and had my first session at my Korean class. Last Sunday I mostly chilled at home but I also went to Starbucks to work for a bit but to also just relax before the week started.

What did you last cry over? Watching Angela and Reena’s graduation ceremony this afternoon. It’s hilarious because I didn’t even cry during and was mostly indifferent towards my own grad, but I surprised myself by breaking into tears while watching theirs. I’m guessing the emotions simply welled up from me being very grateful for our friendship, which formed when I needed it the most.

What are you worried about? I always get Monday anxiety on Sundays, so let’s go with that.

What is your mother’s name? Abby.

What always makes you feel better when you’re upset? BTS, for one.

What would you rather be doing? It’s not a matter of what I would rather be doing, but where I would rather be. And right now, I wish I was back on a Friday evening with the weekend just about to start.

What’s the most important thing you look for in a significant other? Patience.

What did you have for breakfast? My mom cooked up a feast for today’s breakfast for no reason - we had fried rice, tocino, I think bangus(?) and if not bangus then it was some other kind of fish, corned beef, cheese omelette, glazed ham, bacon strips, and the leftover chicken wings from last night’s dinner.

EIGHT Have You’s

Have you ever done something outrageously dumb? I probably do something of the sort at least once a day.

Have you ever had sex on the beach? No. I think I might feel uncomfortable doing so, even if you told me it would be a private beach lol. 

Have you ever been backstabbed by a friend? Yes.

Have you ever been out of the country? Yup, but it’s been a while. :( I haven’t traveled abroad since 2016.

Have you ever dated someone younger than you? It barely counts; she was only like a month and half younger.

Have you ever liked someone who already had somebody? That hasn’t happened.

Have you ever been brokenhearted? Of course.

Have you ever read an entire book in one day? Many times.

SEVEN Who’s:

Who is the last person you saw? My dad. He was watching the evening news in his room when I heard the report playing Permission to Dance so I rushed in there to see what the news was going to be about, hahahaha.

Who is the last person that you texted? ...also my dad. I was just asking him where he was since I had been craving chapaguri the other day and was gonna request if he can quickly pass by the Korean mart near our village. He never replied so I just cooked the instant noodles that we have at home, which in hindsight was I guess for the better because at least I got to save the money I would’ve paid him with.

Who called you last? The Lalamove driver I mentioned on the previous survey.

Who is the last person you hung out with? Angela, Reena, and Hans.

Who did you hug last? Angela, right before I left from her place last Tuesday.

Who is the last person that texted you? Not sure.

Who was the las person you said "I love you" to? Yumi, when I congratulated her on her graduation post.

SIX Where’s:

Where does your best friend live? The city next to mine.

Where is your favorite place to be? Either a coffee shop or our rooftop.

Where did you sleep last night? My bed.

Where did you last hang out? Mega with the three aforementioned friends.

Where do/did you go to school? UP.

Where did you last adventure to? ...Mega. So repetitive hahaha but I don’t really go out much these days for obvious reasons.

FIVE Do’s/Does:

Do you ever wish you were someone else? Not someone else in particular but I will sometimes daydream about having a different reality/situation, like being able to play an instrument or being more capable of affording more things.

Do you think anyone despises you? Possibly.

Do you like someone right now? Nopes.

Does the future scare you? It doesn’t scare me so much as it’s increasingly starting to make me feel lonelier whenever I start thinking about it.

Do you have any secret powers? Erm, no.

FOUR Why’s:

Why are you best friends with your best friend(s)? They’ve both been there through the thick and the thin and the ugly with me and have never once left my side.

Why did your parents give you the name you have? As for both my names, they just liked the sound of them.

Why did you get a myspace? Because I noticed it was popular and I wanted to see what the fuss was about.

Why are you doing this survey? Countdown surveys are always a fun format.

THREE If’s:

If you could have one super power what would it be? Time travel.

If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you? If it comes down to it, as irresistible as it seems, probably not.

If you could live anywhere, where would it be? Somewhere with winter/snow.

Two Would-you-ever’s:

Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love? I’m struggling to think how that can action save someone, but I guess if it ever does boil down to it then yeah, in a heartbeat. It grows back and if the situation was that drastic, hair would be the least of my concerns.

Would you ever get back together with any of your exes if they asked you? Depends.

Last one:

Are you happy with how your life has turned out? Very.

[back-and-totheleft]

‘There’s still a presence out there reminding people not to speak about JFK’s killing’

Oliver Stone is not a fan of “cancel culture”. “Of course I despise it,” the Oscar winning filmmaker says, as if utterly amazed that anyone needs to ask him such a dumb question. “I am sure I’ve been cancelled by some people for all the comments I’ve made…. it’s like a witch hunt. It’s terrible. American censorship in general, because it is a declining, defensive, empire, it (America) has become very sensitive to any criticism. What is going on in the world with YouTube and social media,” he rants. “Twitter is the worst. They’ve banned the ex-President of the United States. It’s shocking!” he says, referring to Donald Trump’s removal from the micro-blogging platform.

It’s a Saturday lunchtime in the restaurant of the Marriott Hotel on the Croisette in Cannes. The American director is in town for the festival premiere this week of his new feature documentary JFK Revisited: Through the Looking Glass, in which he yet again pores over President John F Kennedy’s assassination in November 1963.

“I am a pin cushion for American-Russian peace relations… I had four f***ing vaccines: two Sputniks and two Pfizers,” Stone gestures at his arm. The rival super-powers may remain deeply suspicious of one another, but Stone is loading himself up with potions from both sides of the old Iron Curtain.

He has recently been travelling in Russia (hence the Sputnik jabs) where he has been making a new documentary about how nuclear power can save humanity. He also recently completed a film about Kazakhstan’s former president Nursultan Nazarbayev which – like his interviews with Vladimir Putin – has been roundly ridiculed for its deferential, softly-softly approach toward a figure widely regarded as a ruthless despot.

Dressed in a blue polo shirt, riffing away about the English football team one moment and his favourite movies the next, laughing constantly, the 74-year-old Oscar-winning director of Platoon, Wall Street, Natural Born Killers et al is a far cheerier presence than his reputation as a purveyor of dark conspiracy thrillers might suggest. He is also very outspoken. For all his belligerence, though, Stone isn’t as thick-skinned as you might imagine. I wonder if he was hurt by the scorn that came his way when his feature film JFK was released in 1991.

“I was more of a younger man. It was painful to me,” the director sighs as he remembers being attacked by such admired figures as newscaster Walter Cronkite and Hollywood power broker Jack Valenti for listening to the “hallucinatory bleatings” of former New Orleans DA Jim Garrison when JFK came out. “It was quite shocking actually because I thought the murder was behind us. I did think there was a feeling that 30 years later, we can look at this thing again without getting excited. But I was way wrong.”

Garrison, of course, was the real-life figure portrayed by Kevin Costner in the film; he was the original proponent of the theory that the CIA were involved in the killing of the US president, after his 1966 investigation. Garrison wrote the book On the Trail of the Assassins, on which the movie was partly based.

Even the director’s fiercest detractors will find it hard to dismiss the evidence he has assembled about the JFK assassination in the new documentary. Once I’d seen it and heard him hold forth, I came away thinking that only flat-earthers can possibly still believe that Lee Harvey Oswald shot President Kennedy all on his own. It’s that convincing.

Stone blitzes you with facts and figures about the Kennedy killing and its aftermath. At times, he himself seems to be suffering from information overload. “I am sorry. There are so many people,” he apologises for not immediately remembering the name of Kennedy’s personal physician, George Burkley, who was present both at Parkland Hospital, where Kennedy was first taken, and then at Bethesda, where the autopsy took place. Burkley was strangely reticent when giving evidence to the Warren Commission.

“I think there’s still a presence out there which reminds people not to speak. I’ve heard that in, of all places, Russia,” Stone says. He was startled to discover that the Russians knew all about his new documentary long before it was discussed in the mainstream press. “They said, ‘We heard about it.’ I said, ‘How?’ They said, ‘We have our contacts in the American intelligence business. They are not very happy about it.’”

Stone believes that no US president since Kennedy died has been “able to go up against this militarised sector of our economy”. Even Trump “backed down at the last second” and declined to release all the relevant documents relating to the assassination. “He announced, ‘I’m going to free it up, blah blah blah, big talk, and then a few hours before, he caved to CIA National Security again.”

The veteran filmmaker expresses his frustrations at historians like Robert Caro, author of a huge (and hugely respected) multi-volume biography of President Lyndon Johnson, for ignoring the evidence that has been turned up about the assassination.

“I can’t say [LBJ] was involved in the assassination,” explains Stone, “but it certainly suited him that Kennedy was not there anymore and he covered up by appointing the Warren Commission and doing all the things he did.”

Stone tried to cast Marlon Brando in JFK in the role as the deep throat source Mr X, eventually played by Donald Sutherland.

“I realise now I am grateful that he turned it down because he knew better than I that he would make 20 minutes out of that 14-minute monologue and it wouldn’t have worked.”

Nevertheless, he filled the film with famous faces. He thought that having familiar actors would make it easier for audiences to engage with what was an immensely complicated story.

Getting Stone to stop talking about JFK is like trying to pull a bone from a mastiff’s jaws. To change the subject slightly, I ask if he is still in touch with WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange. He is and is utterly horrified at how Assange is being treated, especially given that Siggi the Hacker, a key witness in the extradition case against Assange, admitted recently that he lied. Stone praises Assange’s partner Stella Morris as “the best wife you could ever have. She really is smart, she’s a lawyer … he has two children. He can’t even touch them or see them. It’s barbaric. It indicates America is declining faster than we know. It is just cutting off dissent.”

The mood lightens when I invite Stone to discuss some of his favourite films. He recently tweeted a list of these, which included Darling starring Julie Christie, Joseph Losey’s Eva starring Stanley Baker and Jeanne Moreau, and Houseboat, a frothy comedy starring Cary Grant and Sophia Loren. “I love films, always have. People don’t know that side of me. I could go on forever.”

Between his darker and more contentious efforts, Stone has made a few genre films himself, for example the underrated thriller U-Turn starring Sean Penn and Jennifer Lopez. He notes, though, that even when he tried a sports movie, he ended up right back in the firing line. The NFL was furious about his 1999 American Football film, Any Given Sunday. “They (the NFL) are arrogant, very rich people who close down any dissent, so I had to change uniforms and names… but they got the point.”

Last year, Stone published the first volume of his autobiography, Chasing the Light, which took him from childhood up to his Oscar triumph with Platoon. It was well received but it didn’t make nearly a big enough splash for his liking. “There was a curtain of silence about that. Maybe it is Covid… it was not reviewed by many people,” he says. “I wish the timing had been better. The publisher was terrible. They didn’t really promote anything. So now I have to start over again if I am going to do a second book, which I would love to do. But I have to find the right publisher.”

The book contains a barbed account of Stone’s experiences as a young screenwriter working in London for British director Alan Parker and producer David Puttnam on Midnight Express. “I wrote about it in the book, so you got my point of view. They were not very friendly people. I gave my criticism of Parker that he had a chip on his shoulder. He was from a poor side of the English. There is this phenomenon you see in England of hating the upper classes until they approve of you.”

No, they didn’t stay in touch. “And Puttnam is a Lord, right? He reminds me of Tony Blair. He is such a weasel.” For once, Stone feels he has overstepped the mark. He doesn’t want to call Puttnam a weasel after all. “Put it this way, Tony Blair is a weasel. I wouldn’t trust Tony Blair. Puttnam is a supporter of Blair. Let’s leave it at that.”

On matters English, he isn’t that keen on soccer either. He watched the semi-final between England and Denmark but had no intention of tuning into the final.

“Soccer is a different kind of game. It’s a different aesthetic. It is constant movement. The United States game allows you to re-group after every play and go into a huddle and so it becomes about strategy. I still enjoy it although people think I am brutal.”

Ask him why he so relishes American Football and he replies that he “grew up with violence in America … we were banging – cowboys and Indians, a lot of killing and that stuff. How do you get away from that? We weren’t playing with dolls.”

Stone’s feelings about the US are deeply ambivalent. He is old enough to remember a time in the late 1940s and early 1950s when “everything in America was golden” and part of him still seems to love the country but his mother was French and he talks about the US as a nation now in near terminal decline.

Perhaps surprisingly, his real political hero isn’t JFK. It’s the former President of France, Charles de Gaulle. “He said no to NATO and he said no to America. He understood the dangers of being a satellite country to America. You have no power in Europe. Don’t kid yourself. The EU is just an artificial body that was amazingly stupid in cutting off Russia and cutting off China too now.”

He doesn’t much like Boris Johnson either. “Boris, listen. He’d simply throw you in jail in a second.” He rails against the English for holding Assange in Belmarsh prison.

When he is not on a crusade or unravelling a conspiracy, Stone relaxes through Buddhist meditation. “Moderation in all things,” the man who came up with the phrase “greed is right, greed works” says with no evident sense of irony. He enjoys hanging out with his friends. “I have a nice life. I’m lucky,” he says before quickly adding, “I wish I had been more honoured and respected in my lifetime, but it seems that I took a course that is in conflict with the American Empire.”

Stone’s films have had relatively few strong female characters. Ask if he welcomes the #MeToo movement and the challenging of old gender norms and he gives a typically contrary answer. “It cuts both ways, though. There are reasons for patriarchy through the centuries,” he says. “Tribes tend to have a strong leader. You need strong leaders, but I do see the feminine impulse as being important, especially when situations become too militant. The feminine impulse, I’m talking about the maternal impulse not the Hillary Clinton/Margaret Thatcher version of feminism. They’re men. They’re not women,” he says. “I don’t want women in politics who want to be men. If a woman is a woman, she should be a woman and bring her maternalism. It’s a leavening influence.”

The director deplores the rush to judge historical figures about past misdeeds from a contemporary point of view. “I am conservative in that way… don’t expect to rejudge the entire society based on your new values.”

He met with Harvey Weinstein in Cannes a few years ago to discuss a potential Guantanamo Bay TV series. “At that point, maybe he knew he was on the ropes; he was delightfully charming and humble.” The project was scuppered by the scandal that that engulfed the former Miramax boss, who is now behind bars as a convicted sex offender. Stone’s gripes with Weinstein are less to do with his sexual offences than with the way that he attacked films like Born on the Fourth of July and Saving Private Ryan to boost his own movies.

“The press loved him [Weinstein]. Don’t forget, they loved him in the 1990s,” he says, remembering the disingenuous way in which Weinstein portrayed himself as the underdog taking on the big, bad Hollywood system.

“I think he robbed Cruise of the Oscar, frankly,” Stone huffs at the intensive Weinstein lobbying which saw Daniel Day-Lewis win the Academy Award for Best for My Left Foot, denying Tom Cruise for Born on the Fourth of July in the process.

Stone acknowledges his status in Hollywood has diminished. “All that’s gone. The people have changed,” he says of the days when the studios doted on him and his films were regularly awards contenders. Now, he’ll often finance his work out of Europe. He is developing a new feature film (he won’t say what it is). “Never say die, never say it’s over,” he says of his career.

Stone is based in Los Angeles and also has “a place in New York”. During the pandemic, he still managed to travel to Russia to make his nuclear power/clean energy documentary. “I got my shots over there because the EU is so f***ing stupid,” he says of the of the Europeans’ refusal to recognise the Sputnik vaccine. “It’s ridiculous, part of the political madness of this time.”

Now, he is putting all his energy into his new documentary about nuclear power. He waves away the idea that the Chernobyl and Fukushima disasters show what can go wrong – they were accidents.

“Accidents you learn from. If there were not a few crashes, how would you fly?” he says. It’s a line that somehow seems to express his entire philosophy of life.

-Geoffrey Macnab interviews Oliver Stone, The Independent, Jul 15 2021 [x]

[flutteringphalanges]

                              The Necronomicon For Babies

Sequel to the one-shot: A Soul For Two

Summary:  Sequel to the one-shot, "A Soul For Two", we find Maze and the others exactly one year later after the infamous demon became a mother. As the party prepares to celebrate little Eden's first birthday, an unexpected guest shows up on Chloe's and Lucifer's doorstep. A certain someone from Maze's past. A clue as to who Eden's father could really be.

Chapters: 1/2

Read on FFN and AO3

A/N: A sequel to my mini fic (two chapters) "A Soul For Two" in which we visit Maze a year after she became a mom. As everyone gathers to celebrate the now one year old Eden's birthday, an unexpected stranger from Maze's past shows up on Chloe's and Lucifer's front door step. What drama will ensue?! Here's part one! Feedback is greatly loved and appreciated! -Jen

                                                    Part One

Bubbly. That's the one word Mazikeen Smith would use to describe her daughter's nursery. If it had been up to her, the design would be more dark. Abysmal. But in the best, loving way possible. If it had been left up to her, Eden's room would've depicted the very essence of Hell. Apparently though, according to all of her friends-even Lucifer, who took Chloe's side-said that wasn't appropriate for a child. Instead it was filled with shades of pinks and purples, toys both plush and academic, and more frilly outfits than the demon could count.

"Surely you're going to dress her in something more...well, happier than that." Linda commented as the demon struggled to put the squirming baby into a black, velveteen dress. "It's her first birthday party, not a funeral."

"The head bow has sequins on it. That's as extreme as I'm willing to go." The demon replied, finally getting her daughter situated in the outfit. "There, I see absolutely nothing wrong with that." She motioned at the baby who had taken to chewing on her own fist. "I didn't even get a birthday party as a kid. Much less dressed for one. Black is the new...well, black."

The therapist, though incredulous of her best friend's tastes, sighed in defeat. "I guess the sparkles do help." She smiled as Eden's dark eyes met hers. "It seems like only yesterday that she was born."

"You humans and your perspective of time��" Maze tutted, lifting the one year old up. "Have you heard from Chloe? I told her I didn't want her to go overboard with this. Especially since she went behind my back and told Ella of all people she could help." The demon sighed and studied her daughter carefully. "As long as those decorations are put away for the day. It's Eden's birthday, not...it's her day."

Christmas. The word Maze couldn't bring herself to say. If she had to rank human holidays from least to greatest, Christmas would be in the negatives with Halloween at the top. Perhaps she had gone a little overboard with Eden's costume that year. It wasn't as if someone told her zombie babies weren't all the rage that year. So what if she overindulged just a little with the fake blood? For someone playing the part of "the undead" she was the cutest rotting corpse in all of the cemetery. At least Trixie thought it was cool.

"I've been in contact with her this whole time." Linda assured her. "Just birthday decor, other stuff's been set aside until after you leave. Funny enough, Trixie's been more excited for all of this than opening her own presents…" The therapist paused for a moment. "I was told you gave her something...unexpected."

"Hm?" Maze inquired, fixated on stuffing the diaper bag. "Oh, you mean the tecpatl. Just an Aztec blade I found in my mother's stuff. Come to think of it, it might've been used on her. Anyway, it was one of the few things of hers I took. Thought I could do something with it and Trixie seems to appreciate my choice in weaponry more than the rest of you."

"Trixie is also thirteen and could easily get expelled from school if she accidentally left it in her pocket during class." Her friend retorted. "Knives aren't for kids, Maze."

"I know." The demon replied, rolling her eyes. "You haven't seen Eden with one yet."

"And I hope it stays that way for a long while." Linda answered, letting out a soft, nervous chuckle. "I will say though, Maze, motherhood has looked great on you. I mean, Eden has flourished. Surpassing most of her milestones. I actually feel a little guilty for the doubt I felt in the beginning." She paused before quickly adding. "Just a teeny, tiny amount of concern."

"Well, I'm not Lilith." Her friend answered, slightly insulted by Linda's comment. "I remember how I was raised and made a promise to myself that I wouldn't subject Eden to that." She grinned as she held the baby to her face. "No abandonment in Hell for you, my precious sinner."

"We seriously need to work on better nicknames." The therapist snorted as she grabbed her purse. "Most people might not take it the right way when you call a baby a sinner."

"Amenadiel already lectured me last week when he heard me call her a fallen angel despite the affection behind it." Maze muttered. "I mean, Chloe calls Trixie "Monkey". What kind of name is that? And you with Charlie…"Peanut"? Where's the creativity? Never mind," she shook her head. "I'll think of something eventually that is at least reasonably acceptable to the general public."

The drive to Chloe's was mostly quiet, Eden having fallen asleep mere moments after Linda started the car. Maze gazed out the passenger side window thoughtfully, watching as the trees whizzed by and became buildings. Something was on her mind. Something unsettling that she just couldn't quite put her finger on. Perhaps it simply was due to it being Christmas. The demon had always despised the holiday. On more than one occasion than she was unwilling to admit, she'd nearly impaled Dan's hand with a fork when he jokingly called her a Scrooge-and even the Grinch reincarnated. Though she did look good in green.

"Something on your mind?" Linda inquired, tearing Maze away from her thoughts. "You look worried."

"I'm fine." She mumbled, inhaling deeply. "Just taking the day in...it's a big one."

"Not everyday your kid turns one." Her friend agreed with a smile as they turned into the parking lot. "I remember Charlie's so well. I can't believe we went with the Cookie Monster cake. I was scrubbing blue stains out of his clothes for hours. That icing had so much dye in it, it turned his poop blue. Nearly gave Amenadiel a heart attack. He thought something was wrong."

"Amenadiel's anxiety is almost unbearable." The demon replied, folding her arms over her chest. "I don't know how you do it. I know so many women in Hell who've killed their spouses simply because they drive them mad."

"I'm a therapist." Linda chuckled as she turned off the car. "I'm equipped to deal with that sort of thing. And besides, it's kind of sweet in a way…" She stepped out of the car, eyes glancing at a set of balloons bound to a doorknob. "Even if in the beginning, he literally tried to take my son to Heaven without me. Not the best moment in our relationship."

"Well, if you ever do decide to off him." Maze said, leaving her own seat to retrieve Eden. "I'll help you dispose of the body. Trust me, when I'm done, it'll be untraceable."

"...I'll keep that in mind…" Her friend responded slowly, a little disturbed by the woman's words. "But I think I'm good."

"All the same." The demon stated, Eden's face scrunching up as the sunlight hit it. Maze pulled the canopy down and the baby seemed to drift back to sleep. "What are friends for?"

"Why don't you go on and take her inside?" Linda suggested, quickly changing the conversation. "I'll grab the presents from the trunk. Looks like Amenadiel's car is already here, you can send him out to help. I'm sure Charlie is fine in his playpen. We got him this new toy that speaks French. Fingers crossed he can start picking up some of the language."

"I told you, I'd be more than happy to teach him Lilim." Maze called over her shoulder as she lugged the baby seat towards the stairs. "Perfect for whenever he decides he wants to visit Hell."

"After what happened when he was born. I don't want him stepping a foot near that place." Her friend answered. "A trip to France when he is old enough is good enough for me...but I appreciate the offer as always."

"Well, if you decide otherwise, it's still on the table." Maze smirked. "Though, I can equally be a translator if he ever wants a trip down there. Maybe with Amenadiel. Lucifer told me how it made him squirm. How I'd love a good show."

"I love you, but you do have a way of scaring me sometimes, Mazikeen," Linda replied. "It's a good thing we're friends."

"Yes," the demon agreed. "It's a very good thing."

Black. Blue. Red. A smidge of pink. No purple. For a split second, Maze was convinced she had walked into the wrong party until a certain girl came sprinting across the floorboards. Trixie Espinoza sporting pigtails painted with blue and pink hair chalk, smudged eye makeup, a ridiculous amount of red lipstick, and a familiar costume grinned widely at her.

"I'm Harley Quinn!" She stated as if it needed to be known. "Mom thought you wouldn't want a normal birthday for Eden, so I thought this would be cool!" She motioned around the room. "Do you like it?! Harley Quinn is awesome! She kicks as-butt, like you!" Trixie peered into the carrier. "Awe, she's asleep?" There was disappointment in her voice. "She's gonna wake up, right?"

As if summoned by the girl's words, Eden's eyes slowly opened and her mouth formed a surprisingly wide yawn. Maze undid the clips that strapped the baby into the seat and lifted her up into the air. This certainly hadn't been what she was expecting, but she was not about to argue against the theme.

"Normally, I would've assumed you'd have shown her this movie. But the guilty party this time is Lucifer."

Chloe smiled as she exited the kitchen, attention fixed on her honorary niece. She wore an apron, but it didn't appear to be as messy as one might assume when someone cooks. It was only when the demon saw the Devil peer out from behind the wall and note the smudges of flour and icing on his sleeves and shirt did she realize the true chef. The mastermind behind the whole feast.

"Be thankful one of us knows how to properly bake." Lucifer smirked as he wiped his hands on a dishrag. "The Detective's cupcakes were looking a little on the failed Pinterest side."

"Cake is cake." Chloe huffed, elbowing her boyfriend lightly. "Looks can be deceiving. They might even taste better than yours...despite the melted frosting."

"Believe what you will." Her partner smiled. "But I am the ruler of the kitchen and my reign has yet to be taken over. Although, brownie points towards your egg toast."

"Uncle Luci has no idea what he's talking about." The Detective crooned, tickling one of the baby's feet. "He's just insecure about his own baking abilities and tries to hide it." She straightened up so that she was face to face with Maze. "May I?"

"Pretty sure she has a dirty diaper, but sure." The demon replied, gingerly handing the baby over. "You guys didn't have to do all of this."

"We're family, Maze." Chloe smiled. "And trust me, this is just…"

"OH MY GOD!"

The adults and Trixie turned to see Ella, her costume in much greater detail than Trixie's, standing in the doorway. Behind her Dan juggled what looked like to be a few boxes of presents and a tub of ice cream. The overly excited scientist nearly tripped over her own to feet as she made her way over to the group.

"I just saw you last week and it's like you've gotten bigger since!" Ella gushed, adjusting Eden's bow. "Stop growing up so fast! You're going to make me cry!" She looked from Chloe to Maze. "Can I hold her?! Let me hold her!"

"Gotta wait your turn," Chloe stated. "I just got her."

"You suck, Decker." Ella pouted before her attention was redirected to Trixie. "Costume buddies!" And Maze couldn't help but roll her eyes and slightly smile as the two high fived. Humans. "Anyway, Amenadiel is out there helping Linda. Can I assist in any way?"

"Charlie's in the other room in his playpen where Trixie is supposed to be watching him." The Detective said eyeing her daughter. "Maybe make sure he isn't getting into anything?"

"He's fine, Mom." Trixie said with a wave of her hand. "I put Spongebob on. Amenadiel had Discovery Channel on and it was too boring. He seems to like it better anyways."

"All the same," Chloe continued. "He's a toddler and they like to get into things. The last thing we need is for something like that to happen." Her eyes flickered over to Dan who was still trying not to drop his items. "Remember when Trixie was three and somehow got into the medicine cabinet and drank half a bottle of cough syrup?"

"Poison Control probably thought someone was murdered the way you were panicking." Dan laughed slightly out of breath. "Can I maybe put these somewhere?"

"I don't know, I'm rather enjoying watching you play circus, Daniel." Lucifer sneered, earning him a glare from Chloe. "Alright, alright, fine. I suppose the kitchen table will do for the gifts and the ice cream in the freezer obviously." He shook his head and turned to his partner once the other man was out of sight. "Did we really have to invite him?" Another glower. "Fine, fine. I'll go do something to keep myself busy. Perhaps Amenadiel and Linda need help."

"I made Linda a similar offer earlier." Maze began as Chloe bounced Eden in her arms. "If you need me to dispose of Lucifer, just say the word."

"I think Mama needs to go out on a few bounties." The Detective cooed, staring at the demon as she spoke to the infant. "You can stay here for a few nights and we'll be just fine and dandy, isn't that right, Eden?"

Maze frowned at the woman's words. "I'm perfectly fine." She informed her, reaching forward to snatch her daughter back. "Right now, I am more than happy to focus on my kid...there will always be other jobs."

Though as the weeks turned into months, she had grown weary of sitting around the house. A thought that made her feel guilty. An idea that it was wrong of her to want to work instead of staying back with her child and focusing her attention there.

"Maze," Chloe's voice was softer this time. "It's been a year. There is no shame going back to work."

"I said I'm fine!" The demon insisted almost forcefully. "I'll go when I'm ready and right now...right now, I have things to do. Important things." Her stare met Eden's and the baby smiled. She did her best to return the gesture, but the thoughts of diapers and midnight bottles crossed her mind as they often did. "We're happy."

Before the Detective could open her mouth to reply, Linda, Amenadiel, and Lucifer stepped through the front door. Eden giggled, though she most likely had no idea that the boxes the adults carried were gifts for her. The thoughts left Maze's mind as the presents were piled on to one another. This was way more than the demon had expected. Almost excessive.

"Did you guys buy an entire store?" Maze half joked as she took it all in. "The kid's favorite thing at the moment is a spoon. Really, you didn't…"

"We know." They all said in unison.

Maze just shook her head in disbelief and bounced Eden in her arms. "You're a lucky kid." She commented, looking at the others. "Why don't we get this party started?"

And, like clockwork, as if the world and fate itself knew, there came a knock at the door. A knock that caused that bubbling in the pit of Maze's stomach to start up again. Chloe looked around confused as if recounting all of the guests.

"Did someone order something?"

Curiously, the Detective made her way to the front door and opened it. Maze felt her blood run cold, arms tightening around Eden as she stared dumbfounded at the stranger who gazed back equally as shocked. A man she hadn't seen well over a year. Someone she hadn't wanted to see at all.

Ben Rivers.

[lokihzra]

My Heart’s On Fire For Your Love

Chapter 6: one word and it’s over

Summary: Only a lucky few happen to find their soulmates. It was so rare that it became a myth. So why did Tony find an L on his wrist a couple hours after Loki threw him out a window and why did he agree to Loki and Thor moving in the tower?

May 17th, 2012

Tony woke up with a jolt of pain shooting through his back and ending in his head and legs. He shot up in bed, heaving from the blinding pain leaving his legs slightly numb. He groans as he swings his legs over the bed, the tingling becoming like little needles as his feet hit the floor. He powers through it and pushes himself up, grabbing his phone off of the nightstand and managing to make it to the bathroom without his knees giving out.

It wasn’t bad, he’s experienced worse but it was more annoying, the tingling in his legs and back, the numbness was annoying. He leans back against the counter and pulls the back of his shirt over his head, he doesn’t look as he opens his camera on his phone and quickly takes a picture of his back in the mirror.

It was probably only a bruise from Loki and Thors fight, maybe really bad bruises. Maybe when Thor pushed Loki back into the floor he broke skin?

It could’ve been a lot of things, he expected maybe a broken bone but when he looked at the picture the only thing that stopped him from throwing up right there was his hand slapping over his mouth as he turned around and heaved into the sink. 

He was completely numb as he puked and puked for what felt like hours. It was like a bad hangover, the hangovers that made him consider going to the hospital. The ones where he couldn’t sleep, eat or even drink anything, he would do nothing but throw up, shake and sweat to attempt to get the alcohol from his body. And just like the bad hangovers he was praying to every god he could think of to make this stop.

A couple minutes later it did.

He quickly washes down his mess, making sure not to look at it, afraid to make himself sick again and he notices his phone isn’t in his hand. He lets out a shaky sigh as he steps back from the counter, ignoring his shaking knees as he spots his phone by the counter and his knees almost give out as he picks it up. He swallows down the fear pulling at his organs as he turns the phone back on, not even caring about a new crack in the screen as he stares down at the picture.

It was bad, so fucking bad. Red, yellow, blue and purple on tan skin. It was like a fucking rainbow, Red scabs, pink irritated skin, yellow surrounding the gashes, blue and purple mixing together making his back look like the night sky. An ugly night sky.

He couldn’t do this, he could barely look at Loki’s scars everyday and pretend it was fine, this, this he can not fucking do. He needs to know, who did this and why Loki won’t fucking tell anyone about it. Sometimes Tony hates being so fucking nice, thus why he was an asshole all the time but shit like this, he can’t stand by and do nothing.

“Let’s hope god is on our side for once” is the first thing Loki hears as he enters the common floor and he can’t help but say “there is no god”. His face falls slack as he stares at the Avengers, expecting ridicule.

Unsurprisingly Tony says “you may be my new best friend” with a smirk “hey how do you feel about the government?”

Loki frowns as he grabs a cup from the thing called a dishwasher, Midgardians baffle him with their laziness. “The people that thought they could keep me in a prison made for mortals?” he asks as he turns around goes to the coffee pot

“Yeah them”

“Arrogant, annoying, think way too highly of themselves” Loki deadpans as he pours creamer in his coffee

“That’s called a god complex” Natasha states, making the brothers frown.

“Okay” Loki deadpans as he continues making his coffee “we need to go to Asgard today Thor”

Immediately Thor protests “no, we talked about this yesterday” he says sternly and Loki glares “Father would not hesitate-”

“You think I can’t protect myself from him?’

“Speaking of-” Tony interrupts as he gets and pulls Loki along with him to the balcony “-I need to talk to you”

Loki rips his arm from Tonys grip but follows him out anyways “Pardon me but what the fuck?” he asks harshly as they get outside “I told you to stop this”

“Don’t swear it doesn’t match you”

“Beiskaldir” Loki retorts and Tony ignores his breath hitch.

He quickly shakes it off “I woke up this morning from pain shooting through my back” Tony states and he sees Loki’s jaw tighten just slightly “who was it from?”

Loki glares before turning around “none of your business” he growls and despite that Tony still grabs his arm and spins him back around.

“I hate you, I really fucking do but that doesn’t mean I can just sit by and do nothing”

Loki’s glare fades into something unreadable, something that makes guilt tug ans twist Tonys organs “what did I tell you before Stark?”

“I know what you told me and I don’t care. I care about who did this to you and why?”

Loki sighs and turns back around saying "Let me heal it and I will tell you”

“Won’t it heal if you heal?”

Loki keeps walking, “you have my bruise” he states, giving Tony a shrug before going back inside and Tony can’t help but touch his cheek where Loki is sporting a reddish bruise before heading back in and he regrets not jumping off the damn balcony. “how long have you guys even been bonded?” Steve asks with a frown, Tony who stops in his tracks nearly yells as he snarls “eight fucking days now quit interrogating me”

Steve huffs before saying “this is soulmates, you guys are bonded-“

“yeah I know Steve you keep fucking reminding me” Tony interrupts harshly as heads to the bar, not acknowledging Loki as he stands beside him and makes a drink, he felt awkward, having Loki’s wounds on him but he ignores it and asks “this is why you wanted to go to Asgard?”

“yes” Loki deadpans as he pours sugar in his coffee, he quickly grew a liking to it and considered taking some home. If he ever could go home.

Thor butts in from his spot beside Steve “I can ask mother and father to-“

“no” Loki says sternly, “do not tell him, mother yes, father no. Got it?” Odin would surely kill them both if he knew, probably Thor as well for not telling him but Thor is his favourite and Loki doesn’t know Odin as well as he thought.

Thor cowers away with a quiet “okay” going back to shoving pancakes down his throat.

“How are you the older brother?” Clint asks with a laugh

Loki can’t help but spit “and how are you so useless?”

Clint glares at him, unknowingly satisfying Loki while he retorts “how are you so fucking annoying?”

“how are you so weak?”

“how are you so self-destructive?”

Loki scoffs “you have not seen self-destructive Barton”

“Loki” Thor says lowly, telling Loki not to go there. He couldn’t take it, not after getting Loki back.

Loki goes back to his coffee, dumping a bit too much creamer in as he says “told you Barton I’ll always win” Loki sees Tony from the corner of his eyes, hiding his smirk in his cup as he takes a sip and goes to sit back down.

“you did not win that” Barton says immediately and Loki has to resist laughing at the desperation in his tone.

“I got the last word” Loki informs him “I won so don’t even start again” Loki demands as he sees Barton open his mouth to say something but quickly snaps it shut but he quickly says “you’re an asshole” Clint hisses as Loki sits in an armchair near his brother and Steve. Loki sighs, taking a sip of his coffee while he thinks.

You do need their trust.

“I didn’t want to do anything that I did, that doesn’t justify it or make up for it I’m very aware of that but I’m also aware that you despise me and I don’t blame you Barton” Loki admits, swallowing down his pride before continuing “I’m saying this with complete sincerity, I am sorry for controlling you and for making you endure my pain and I respect you for staying sane through it all” Loki resists the urge to smirk at Bartons frozen form.

“You never apologize” Thor accuses.

Loki rolls his eyes as he looks over at his brother “then it should prove something, should it not?”

Thor hums before changing the subject “any requests?” he asks “any specific questions you want answers to? Belongings? I’ll get them, anything you want” Thor says quickly making Loki frown but he doesn’t question it as he conjures up paper and a quill, knowing Thor will forget everything he requests.

“a feather and ink” Natasha hums

“real space vikings” Tony finishes and Loki ignores them as he continues writing.

“what do you guys use to write? other than computers?” Thor asks, or more so challenges them.

“pens” Bruce says “like normal people”

“okay” Loki scoffs as the quill vanishes with a single thought and he folds up the paper into what Midgardians call a paper airplane and throws it at Thor, “read that and I will burn you” Loki threatens as the paper flies inches from Thor's head and he doesn’t even flinch.

“I will stab you” Thor replies immediately

“try it Thumb” Loki snarls with a smirk, seeing that glint in Thors eyes as he leans forward and spits back with just as much venom as Loki “no problem Lucky”

Natasha interrupts them “weren’t you guys just fighting the other day?”

Loki raises a brow and decides to take a trip down memory lane “he incapacitated me for weeks and hours after he came to see me asking if I wanted to go ride the horses and cried when I said I couldn-“

“I did not cry” Thor cries

“yes you did”

“Ah brotherly moments” Tony hums “beautiful” he finishes with a smile and a clap of his hands.

“you cried when I broke my leg” Thor deadpans.

Loki quickly complains “I wasn’t even 250 years yet” he says, knowing it’s completely normal for a child that age to cry for their older brother.

“how fucking long is that?” Tony asks loudly.

“here I would’ve been four” Loki says quickly, turning back to Thor only for Clint to ask “how old are you guys now?” Loki sighs loudly, hating questions and Thor thankfully, knows it and answers for him.

“twenty-six and twenty-two I think?” Thor looks to Loki for confirmation and he nods instantly “our birthdays are in October and December”

“how do you know?” Natasha asks “I thought Asgards time works differently?”

“years ago our father would gift us of going with him on his travels around the nine realms”

“as a birthday present?” Natasha asks and Thor nods “damn my birthday presents were weapons”

Loki blurts “we got those as well”

“I still have my first dagger” Thor says proudly “and my first hammer it’s tiny-“

“Thor” Loki interrupts, dead serious as he says “no one cares”

“Is it just-”

Tony fucking snaps “jesus fucking christ Rogers can you shut the fuck up?” Tony roars, his veins burning with anger and he doesn’t even care that Bruce is sitting right beside him “all you fucking do is talk about this soulmate bullshit and I’m fucking sick of it”

Steve gulps before saying “I’m worried about you”

“Well stop!” Tony yells again “stop caring about me, stop worrying about me. Just fucking stop”

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to make things harder”

Tony scoffs, but it wasn’t bitter like usual “Oh I know you don’t” he says lowly “because you help people, you try to make things better -god my dad would not stop talking about you” Steve frowns at that but doesn’t say anything, making Tony let out a bitter scoff followed by a laugh “you may think you’re trying to help me but really you’re just fucking annoying me”

“I’m so-“

“stop” Tony yells again “stop apologizing, stop being so fucking nice to me” he says quickly before getting up and heading to the elevator “jesus fucking christ take me now”

“You’re intoxicated” Loki states with a raise of his brows as Tony stumbles in his room.

“Not as drunk as I should be” Tony slurs slightly as he leans against the dresser “you said you’d tell me if I let you try and heal it”

Loki nods, looking back down at his book “yes I remember”

Tony frowns, just by the tone of his voice Tony knew Loki was fucking around “tell me first and then I’ll let you heal it”

Loki looks at him, putting down his book and sitting up properly now “we don’t know if it will heal” Loki states “so I’m not telling you until after I try”

Tony presses his lips together and turning around, he pulls the back of his shirt up and flinches slightly when he feels that same warmth he felt when Loki was healing his cuts and he knows it’s working, he doesn’t have to ask because the uncomfortable pain is gone, the tight skin that felt like the scabs were ripping open with every move, gone.

Loki hums as he steps back “it worked”

Tony instantly drops his shirt “what about yours?” he asks as he turns around and in reply Loki reaches behind himself and a second later he nods.

“Gone” he says happily as he drops his hand.

Tony can’t help but smirk and Loki’s happiness instantly fades “Who did this to you? Or us-you?” Loki doesn’t say anything for a moment and it makes Tonys heartbeat pick up, he still says “you promised you’d tell me”

Loki sighs harshly, not taking his eyes off of Tony as he finally blurts.

“Odin”

[somefantasticplace]

THEY DIDN'T LET IT LIE

After four years of writing in secret, Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer are about to bring their surreal masterpiece Catterick to television screen. Glimpse here an interview that treads the outer regions of sanity…

A long time ago Vic Reeves (real name Jim Moir) and Bob Mortimer were television revolutionaries, their work genuinely baffled as it made you laugh. But in recent years they have lurched perilously close to becoming light entertainment stalwarts. Their new six-part series for the BBC, Catterick, named after the North Yorkshire garrison town, might be the TV show that puts Vic & Bob back in a deeply disturbing and equally funny place. Or it could be a creative disaster. Either way, as this exclusive on-set interview shows, it will certainly be strange.

Catterick, what is it then?

Vic: It’s just a great long story about people who have lost things and then try to find them. We’ve been working on it for four years as a movie but then the BBC offered us a sketch show so we’ve put it into that space.

Bob: It’s different, a real treat. But it’s bonkers. It’s not Phoenix Nights or Early Doors but in a funny way we hope it will be as easy to watch as they are. There are mysterious crows influencing events.

Vic: It’s got very sinister undertones.

Bob: If we do get away with it, it will be a much bigger thing than we’ve done before. But they’ll only trust us to a certain extent.

The BBC don’t trust you?

Bob: I don’t think the BBC is sure about anyone for much longer than about a year, or two years. They might not even be sure about Ricky Gervais in three years time. I do get that feeling that they don’t fucking know either way of it’s good or bad.

Vic: The BBC just usually let us get on with it. Because it’s a drama they got us involved, or tried to get us involved because at the end of the day we are the ones who say yea or nay.

Bob: Just little things. Like they didn’t want it to be called Catterick. Should it be called Catterick? Should it be this long? Should it have more plots? The sort of things that come out of corporations.

Were you disappointed by Randall & Hopkirk not getting a third series?

Bob: I was surprised we got the second series really. To be honest, I didn’t think the stories were good enough. Charlie Higson wrote it… well, it was a fuck of a lot to take on, six one-hours on the BBC. We knew it when we were doing it. You know when you’re doing something and saying, “This isn’t the sort of thing that we do but we’ll try it.”

Do you suffer from people thinking you are dark geniuses rather than just comics?

Vic: If people do feel that, they don’t ring us up, they’ve thought about it in darkened corners.

Do you think you are dark geniuses?

Vic: Well, Emile Zola didn’t have people ringing him up and saying, “Are you a dark genius?” you do what you do. And we never hear of anything from fans.

Are they kept away from you?

Bob: No

Vic: It’s not that we’re not interested but we never hear of them.

Bob: I mean we don’t set up web lines and we don’t get aggressive not see fans, it’s just not…

Not what you do?

Vic: (looks over at Bob who is wearing a tracksuit top beneath a formal jacket): That’s quite unique is that look. That approach.

Bob: I’ve got a Gentle Giant t-shirt on (with a patriotic US design featuring a stars ‘n’ stripes-coloured horse).

Vic: A sports top.

Bob: And quite a formal shirt these days.

Vic: But a sports top and a suit.

Bob: What’s your verdict?

Vic: Well, it’s the new thing. The younger set will be wearing that next week. Is Jack in the younger set?

Not really, no. Is your show similar to what Paul Whitehouse did with Happiness?

Vic: No, it’s nothing like it at all.

I don’t mean the end product, but whether it’s written with similarly downbeat inclinations.

Vic: I think if you wanted to really analyse it the essence of comedy is about sadness. And there’s a lot of sadness. It’s very similar to Voltaire’s Candide, in that a bloke meets a woman who he falls madly in love with, she gets kidnapped and he spends the rest of his life looking for her and when he finds her, he finds out he doesn’t fancy her anymore. But that’s his entire life gone, for nothing. Also in Candide, people get killed and then come back to life.

And in Catterick?

Bob: Well a few die.

Vic: But if someone gets killed they are not necessarily dead. Although they’re not far off. I think it’s the best thing we’ve ever done, one of the best things ever on television but whether people like it or not is a different thing. I think people are now numbed; they’re dumbed down to the state where they’re going “We just want to watch someone decorating someone’s house.”

If everyone’s stupid, what hope is there for clever humour? Or clever anything?

Vic: I think it’s got to the state of just before punk rock emerged. Someone’s going to have to say, “Look, this is getting too much. It’s too shit, it’s too boring.” Fortunately we grew up at the right time. People of our age, from our era, are the only creative people around. There’s fuck all going on.  I get so agitated watching television – there’s nothing on.

Bob: If we get away with Catterick it will make people more ambitious, take more chances. This isn’t Early Doors or the Alan Partridge thing, it has no element of – and this is something I’m not particularly keen on – “Oh he’s just like the bloke in our office” or “I know people like that”. All that stuff, there’s none of that, there’s no-one you recognise.

Vic: The characters in Catterick, they don’t look and act like normal people but they are normal. You can take somebody who’s outlandish in their look or the way that the speak and put them in a real life proper situation. It’s confusing and then it becomes funny.

Do you think that’s a Northern thing?

Vic: What do you mean?

A warmth towards outlandishness.

Vic: There’s some of that in our area.

Bob: You used to follow oddballs, didn’t you? Around the streets.

Vic: Yeah, but I think there’s something particular about where we grew up, the northeast of Yorkshire. It seems to breed a particular viewpoint, which is, I think, funny. And we’ve got Mark Benton who is a superb character and he’s from Middlesbrough, and it’s so easy to work with him because he’s got that particular… he knows what the humour is. But it’s from darkness and from sensibilities and straightforward people. And you just take a twist off to the right or left. That’s where humour is.

What do you thing to Ant and Dec, who’ve, arguably, done a childish version of your act?

Vic: Well, all the best to them. They do stuff that’s so popular and I’m sure they enjoy magnificent flats.

Bob: When they started doing Saturday morning telly, they did it well. Just because we’re from the same neck of the woods and there’s two of them…

Vic: I hope they don’t go too far and people start to despising them. Like what’s his name… not Michael Jackson… the ginger-haired fella…

Bob: Terry Evans?

Vic: Chris Evans.

Did you work with Evans?

Vic: We must have met him… he had a snotty nose.

Bob: We thought he was a sneezer.

Vic: So am I. It’s all the cocaine I abuse.

Bob: You do?

Vic: I have cocaine constantly. I love it.

Bob: (returning to the subject of Ant and Dec): Yeah, their early stuff has probably got a half-life but at the moment they are the top presenters. If there’s a big event they’ll probably be the number one choice for it at the moment.

Was your first television break on Jonathan Ross’s ‘The Last Resort’?

Vic: I wouldn’t say it was a break, as we weren’t looking for a break at the time. I think Jonathan got in a lucky position hosting a programme – he’d get all his mates on.

Bob: The other thing you realise is how indebted you are once you’ve got a show. We used to do a live show down in Deptford, but people heard about it and they wanted to put us on. By the end of it we had this fucking theatre in Deptford. As soon as we did a run of five weeks in it, it was sold out in hours.

Vic: There were people coming from all over to see it and then we had TV bosses sniffing around but they didn’t know what to do with us.

Bob: What would we have done, would we have just carried on doing that?

Vic: Well I remember sitting in a cab and you said, “Shall we be famous then? Do you fancy it, do you want to be famous for a bit?” And we really didn’t think – and it didn’t matter…

Bob: I think I took 10 weeks off work. We were doing a shitty little tour.

Vic: We didn’t think it would carry on from there. I think it was a case of… (we stop as a waitress arrives).

Bob: Cup of tea, please. (Bob points at my chip bowl, which he has gradually filled with fag ends.) Sorry about that, pet.

Vic: Can I have a large gin and tonic. I need a hair-of-the-dog and I don’t usually do that, but…

It works.

Vic: I bet it does – because you were here late for the interview I bet you got up out of bed late, didn’t you? What were you doing last night? I was singing with me father-in-law. Were you living it up?

Drinking, talking rubbish.

Bob: That’s your job though, isn’t it?

Vic: That’s alright!

Bob: I watched Harry Hill’s TV Burp. You know, it was one of those nights.

Vic: Quiet night, then.

Bob: Quiet night, yeah.

How close do you live to each other?

Bob: About 16 minutes.

Vic: No, longer, I reckon 40 minutes.

Bob: I’d say 28, if it’s important to you then we have to get it right.

Vic: More 29. Depends on the wind.

Bob: Mmm.

Isn’t that like giving up on life, moving to Kent?

Bob: Why do you say that? Where do you live?

Me? Camberwell.

Vic: Do you like it there?

I’ve not been there for that long, I was in Greenwich before.

Vic: You’re obsessive, that’s where we lived. The next thing you’ll be in Kent – you’re living the same places that we lived. You would have been here (central London) quicker if you lived in Kent, and you have the luxury of having a nice quiet life with beautiful countryside and fresh air. What happens with you now? You wake up and open your windows and you’ve got…

A gherkin.

Vic: Or a Nigerian taxi going, Waaaah! Waaaah!

Bob: You’re got a Gurkha?

A gherkin. It’s a building. And apart from me everyone else in the block is Nigerian.

Bob: Ah, yes. Do you drink in The Grove?

No, that’s turned into a big-box-little-box place. I drink at the Hermit’s cave.

Bob: That was the police pub. It was a no-go.

Vic: Do you go in at lunchtime? What do you have, pie or fish?

Just a drink.

Vic: Really, and then do you go home and have your tea? And then have some pints. What do you have for your tea?

My flatmate’s doing a cooking course so…

Vic: So she comes back with some good recipes. I left a recipe for Nancy when I was coming up here. I said “Get those chickens’ breasts out, put them in lemon juice and soy sauce then a bit pf paprika and let them marinate for some time and we’ll have those with a nice bit of cabbage and some mushrooms.”

Bob: I loved Camberwell. But I’d been in Peckham and Camberwell for 15 years and one weekend my girlfriend got attacked, my motorcycle got nicked and the police, with their helicopters, cornered a criminal in me back garden. And then the spell of it were gone. I couldn’t live there. I’d lived there happily but as soon as something happened I walked out.

Vic: I remember when we first did Big Night Out. I’d secured myself a really nice flat in Blackheath. One bedroom, but nice. It was posh. And he was living on the worst estate in Peckham and it used to make me think that other people were thinking that I was getting all the money and he wasn’t getting anything and he wouldn’t fucking get out of this shit hole. Even when we had quite a good deal of money he wouldn’t get out of that shithole in Peckham and it used to make me highly embarrassed.

Bob: I was in a homeless hostel, it’s true, and then I got this council flat just off the North Peckham council estate.

Vic: It was going to be on Through The Keyhole.

Bob: I wish I’d done it, like.

Vic: It was fucking frightening, like. When we were on tour I’d get picked up, it wasn’t a luxury flat but it had a nice front piece and it looking like a nice big hour and then I’d go and pick that fucker up and it was a disgusting hole.

Bob: It was fucking noisy at night.

Vic: And he made it worse because he was a lazy fucker. He couldn’t be bothered getting out of his bed and walking round to go to the toilet so he kicked a hole in the wall to the toilet. I said “What are you doing about getting this rubbish out of the house?” and he said, “Oh, I’ll put it out the window.” There was a triangle of shit, milk bottles and crap out the back window. Piss everywhere, piss in milk bottles…

Bob: They were the days thought, you can’t do that in Kent. And you know what, it’s embarrassing. I’m not being nasty to Nigerians in any way, I’m just making the clear point that they are noisy. Eight or nine of them in a very tiny space and they never shut up. Either that or it’s the tinkle of chicken bones falling on the pavement all fucking night.

Could that be construed as racist?

Vic: I don’t think it’s racist. When you go into an Indian shop they are always on the phone. Always. And it’s not racist but you get accused of being racist if you say that all Nigerians are…

Bob: They are fucking noisy.

Why isn’t that racist?

Bob: Because it has been my experience.

Vic: With our type of humour – a lot of people from the North East have our sense of humour – it’s a positive thing. We can say it because it’s the way we sound.

Well you’d have to ask a Nigerian whether he minds it in a North Yorkshire accent or not.

Bob: You noisy bastard.

Vic: One of the characters in Catterick is white, Jewish, ginger haired who’s got an Asian accent.

Bob: See that could be a stumbling block… it’s quite idiotic.

Vic: When we did The Club on Bang Bang, Bob played a character who had a Chinese accent and that was covered by the fact that…

Bob: But we seemed to get away with that but Asia’s different, isn’t it? As for what people are going to say? Fuck, I don’t know. Vic: If you were raised in Hong Kong and you were white Anglo-Saxon and you came back you’re going to talk with a Chinese accent. Which might be intriguing.

Bob: See the other thing is that I reckon probably in fucking South Yorkshire it’s incredibly cool to be Asian.

Like it used to be cool amongst some whites to pretend to be black?

Vic: That’s still cool now. White children in Southeast London have got a basically West Indian accent, haven’t they? It’s cool but will it ever be cool to come from the Isle of White.

Bob: I don’t think the BBC have cottoned on to that yet. That Matt Lucas is going to be Asian.

You said your humour is a product of where you come from, but Roy “Chubby” Brown is from the same area, isn’t he?

Vic: Do you know, when I was talking to my friend Eugene at the weekend, Nancy said “He says ‘cunt’".  And Nancy says, “You say ‘cunt’ a lot.” She says she doesn’t like it. Being from the South she finds if, well not offensive, but she says she “notices” it, it’s a serious word. But Eugene said it’s a particular thing to our particular area. People will say cunt in the Northeast without thinking about it and I think it’s because of the accent. It’s not forced out. If it were in the South it would be “CAANT!” so it sounds like it’s being shot out. In the Northeast it’s nice, and it’s rounded. I mean I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that word. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with any language. It’s just a natural thing.

Isn’t it violent towards women?

Vic: No, not really. The word cunt is the same as “Kent” and “quaint” if you take it right back to language. Where it first came from (all this is palpably untrue); from the English language when we had fewer words in our vocabulary Kent, quaint and cunt were all the same thing. So what do you do? Do you start saying you can’t say these words?

Bob: That’s terrible.

Northerners say “bastard” better.

Bob: I think they are the best words. Whatever you think to “Chubby”, he’s a fucking great swearer.

Vic: With Roy “Cubby” Brown those words can come out and they’re got the same amount of force but they’re used in a certain way so you can accept them a little bit easier. This Jethro character – I’ve never heard him but he’s quite oo-arhh, isn’t he? And I can imagine he says (speaking in an almost Long John Silver pirate accent to denote the West Country), “You farking Carnt.” It’s a lot smoother, but if it’s cockney it sounds like a battering ram of a machine gun.

Bob: There’s not that much kudos up North in being sharp, it’s not the thing to be the aggressive comic.

(Looking at photographs that Vic has brought) Is this the stuff you’ve been taking?

Vic: Yeah. I liked the way you said that. Are you the boss of Jack?

I am actually, yes.

Vic: Are you enjoying it?

Bob: Have you got a good office?

Yes. I’ve got a chair on a castor and a floor with no carpet so when I put up the phone I move…

Bob: Are you going to stick to the castors, though?

Well, we’re moving office… today, in fact.

Vic: To a place with carpets?

Yes, afraid so.

Vic: You might find that more tricky.

Bob: You’ll miss the movement you know. Have you booked your office and said, “That’s my fucking office.”

The new place is open plan…

Vic: Oh eh!

Bob: Oh fucking cordon it off man and put “The Boss” up.

Vic: (Handing me some photographs) I want them all back. I want to do a portrait book so you have to promise me that you’ll give them all back.

Bob: Well, what will you do if he doesn’t?

Vic: I know where he lives.

What, you’ll send the boys round?

Vic: Yes, to go in your pub. I know coppers.

They shut the police station.

Vic: It doesn’t matter, not coppers from Peckham.

Hull coppers are direct and to the point.

Bob: Hull? They’d be great coppers.

Vic: Leicester’s the worst city, though.

Bob: I tell you what I think is worse, when you go down the Thames to those towns…

Vic: Marlow!

Bob: Marlow’s the worst.

Vic: Complete fights… and gang warfare. We should have a street fight.

Bob: It’s been a while hasn’t it?

Vic: Yeah. Do you want to join in or are you not a street fighter?

No. I’ll leave that.

Bob: You arrange a street fight for soft lads where no-one really gets hurt. It looks fucking amazing.

Vic: Bob used to be a big street fighter.

Bob: There's a lock-in pub (Bob here gives extended directions to a particular pub in South London). I used to live next door to it, Fucking hell. Every day of the year.

Vic: Where was that other place you used to do a lock-in?

Bob: Oh the Mexican place. That was a long one, an all-nighter.

Vic: I never did all that, you used to do three days of drinking…. You were a real drinker.

Bob: I used to be.

Have you stopped.

Bob: To be honest, more or less. We had some dos recently because we’d finished filming and I don’t seem to be able to get past five fucking pints.

Do you fall over or just go to sleep.

Bob: I’m just fucked.

Vic: Twice a week I’ll have a really good piss up.

Do you turn into a violent drunk or a lachrymose “I love you” drunk?

Vic: You know what I like? I really fucking love getting nicely pissed in me house and do fuck all. I’ll mess about. I’ll do a drawing or fiddle about with a candle, or poke the fire. Poking the fire when you’re pissed… I fucking love it. I’ll do that twice a week, get heavily pissed poking a fire. The other times I’ll drink camomile tea. Me and my lass drink camomile tea and eat sweets. I tell you what, and I don’t know how the fuck she does it, she’ll get a big box of chicken legs and stuff and she goes through all the chicken legs and she doesn’t put on an ounce. She’ll have eight chicken legs in a night and… nothing. And we have a big jug of squash, chicken legs, sweets and cheese comes out every night – like a bastard! Cheese is going to kill me.

Which is your favourite cheese?

Vic: I love all Bries and the Camemberts. I love that and pickles. Pickled eggs. Every night the tray will come out with all the shit on it and she’ll eat and eat. And she’ll not put a thing on.

Why do you think the tabloids always chase Vic’s personal life, not Bob��s?

Bob: I think it’s because he’s “Vic Reeves”. That’s the story there, that’s the way they see it.

Vic: Bob and me are both equally dull as each other. We don’t do fuck all but they seem to want to think that I have an exciting life because I married an underwear model. They seem to think that we have rampant sex all the time. She makes the dinner and puts her pyjamas on.

Bob: And you poke the fire.

Vic: I poke the fire. And then I occasionally poke her. Nothing happens, we do fuck all. But the tabloids want us to have an exciting life. They expect more of me and I don’t know why.

As a double act you’re quite unique, there’s not a straight man and a funny man – it seems an equal opportunities arrangement…

Bob: In the old days there was a straight man and a funny man but if you look at Ant and Dec they're equal as well.

Vic: Maybe it’s just a copy of us. Maybe we were the first…

Bob: It seems a bit of a waste, up a blind alley ultimately if one’s straight and one's funny. I was quite straight in Shooting Stars.

Vic: But you were never the straight one. You can have the straight one or you can have two straight men. You can have someone who is the dozy one but then if you switch the tables… in Catterick I’m clearly, if you look at it straightforwardly, the dozy one and my brother Carl is the one who has got it together. But then if you look more deeply maybe I’m cleverer… and he’s a liar. But it’s got that underlying thing all the way through that you don’t really know.

How scripted is your stuff?

Vic: Quite heavily. If we’re going to do a routine then we’ll know about it.

Bob: The nice thing about Shooting Stars is there are surprises. It’s not like Buzzcocks where they give them the questions beforehand. They are quite brave some people, they don’t get any chance to think of something funny.

Vic: When we are writing we have an office and we go in at 9:30 and leave at 3:30. Deathly silence, we never speak.

Bob: You’ve just got to sit down and do it. It’s no good going to Denmark and thinking you’ll be inspired. It’s, “here’s an office and a table”. Sometimes you do three pages and sometimes you do three lines but we try and stick to it.

Has anybody ever turned you down to appear on Shooting Stars?

Vic: I tell you who we never get – boxers, because they all want five grand and they think they’re fucking it.

Bob: We send off massive lists.

Vic: We nearly had Art Garfunkel once.

Bob: He’s got an airport problem.

Vic: I don’t think we are au fait with the younger set so you get someone like Destiny’s Child on to the show, or someone else and you think, “Who the fuck’s that?”

Bob: There's a lot of that.

Vic: My daughter's like, “Wooooooooh, yeah, you’ve got Mis-Teeq on!” and I say “Mystique – is that a juggling act?��

Bob: We don’t know their names.

Vic: And Mis-Teeq is a big deal, isn’t she? I thought she might have been a trapeze act but no, she’s a singer.

How do you cope with someone as patently Southern and middle class as Will Self being in love with you?

Vic: He finds us fascinating.

But slightly patronising?

Bob: He really cares for what he’s doing.

Vic: He’s bombastic and we’re vicarious.

Do you worry about Johnny Vegas?

Vic: Yeah. We have to edit out a couple of hours. We once did a take of Shooting Stars in 36 minutes, but when we get Johnny Vegas in we were lucky to get three hours and I just felt sorry for the people who were sitting in the audience. I mean he’s fucking bright, he’s hilarious but he’ll go on for an hour-and-a-half with his answer and you’re thinking, “Fuck, can we just get him to the green room?”

Do you drink and work?

Bob: A live show, I like to have three pints before I go on. A television show, I like to have three cans. I’ve never recorded a show where I haven’t had a drink. I don’t think so.

Vic: It wasn’t religious but we’d have lagers, cans. I do remember once when I had one too many at Sheffield.

Bob: You know how lager’s powerful, at some venues we’d phone up and say, “Please, don’t fuck us up with this Skol and Stella and stuff,” Just three and that would fuck us. You don’t realise at the time but you can see afterwards.

Vic: It’s acting, that’s what it is, and you can’t act if you’ve had anything, you just can’t do it. I don’t understand how people smoke pot. I don’t know anyone who can have any drug or drink loads and go on stage.

Bob: That’s a fucker.

Vic: Here’s something interesting. Two comedians in Denmark are re-creating Shooting Stars ad they’re going to film it.

Bob: Who wants to do that?

Vic: The BBC, with us.

Bob: Denmark? That’s butter.

Well, bacon really.

Vic: And very soft shoes.

NO, YOU LYING GET…

A brief history of Reeves & Mortimer.

1986: The Vic Reeves Variety Palladium begins at Winston’s Wine Bar, Deptford. Sketches include “Tappy Lappy” – Moir dancing to “Fly Me To The Moon” with planks on his feet, wearing a Bryan Ferry mask. The show is re-named Vic Reeves Big Night Out and moves to Goldsmith’s Tavern, New Cross Road. Moir is joined by pal, Bob Mortimer.

1988-1989: Big Night Out  shifts to the Albany Empire, Deptford. Spotted by Jonathan Ross and invited onto Ross’s The Last Resort, giving Reeves his big break.

1990-1991: Vic Reeves Big Night Out on Channel 4. Classic end sequence as Reeves belts out “Mr  Songwriter”, turning side-on to accentuate the flare in his trousers.

1991:  I Will Cure You album released. “Dizzy”, performed with the Wonderstuff, reaches Number One.

1992: The Weekenders is on Channel 4, where Vic and Bob visit a meat festival and buy sausages for aliens.

1993-1995: The Smell of Reeves & Mortimer on BBC2, giving us Mulligan And O’Hare, Stars in Their Eyes and TV chefs eating the flesh from a giraffe’s antler.

1995-2003: Shooting Stars, a quiz format featuring regulars Ulrika-ka-ka-ka, Mark Lamarr, Donald Cox The Sweaty Fox, Will Self, Johnny Vegas, The Dove From Above and multi-talented drummer, Matt Lucas.

1997: “Comedy” show It’s Ulrika! hits the screens with the duo credited as writers. It’s bloody painful viewing.

1998-1999: Families At War includes a Vic & Bob five minute bit with Bob as a spider on a crane. Bang Bang It’s Reeves & Mortimer gives the duo more space. “The Club” shines.

2000-2001: Randall & Hopkirk (Deceased) on BBC1, but it doesn’t quite work.

2004: Catterick begins, which charts the first hours of a brotherly reunion. They become involved with a murderer and a hotelier who has lost his penis.

[drizzitwrites]

New Fic: “Must Have Done Something Right” Opening Scene (Draft) -- Dragon Age: Inquisition

Hi all,

Switching fandoms (back to my OG fandom, Dragon Age) since I’ve finally broken down and begun playing Inquisition (which I bought on the release day and then promptly got hipster angry at for 6 years). I still wasn’t sold at first and I DEFINITELY don’t love the companions as much as I did in any of the other games. UNTIL........ I met Dorian Pavus. Who I love. Deeply.

So... one day I was playing and I made an offhand comment quoting a song lyric because Dorian set my m!Lavellan Inquisitor up for a combo and then Jonas said “we should not!fic a thing where they’re on a university sports team” and then my brain grabbed hold of it and needed to almost obsessively think about it over the next two weeks.

Aaaaand, now I’ve actually started writing. This should be interesting, because I can SEE the scenes so clearly in my mind, so I may either fly through this and write it in a month in a frenzied fit of pique OR I may agonise over it because the words aren’t bringing out the picture in my head right. Either way, this one’s going to be long (and considering I’m someone who usually says “I think I can get that done in 5k” and then it takes 25k, this almost certainly means we’re going to hit novel length at least) and I have VERY LITTLE TIME, so don’t expect the finished product any time soon. I might release it chapter by chapter, but I generally don’t in case something comes up in a later chapter that affects the early chapters, because you never know when you need to re-order something or change details or add in something and I don’t want to have to deal with telling people I re-posted and having them go back to read it.

But! For anyone who might want to read it piece-by-piece with the understanding that what I’m posting here is edited and postable (by my standards) but is very much subject to change as the fic writing unfolds, I’ll post some to all of the scenes here. Read or don’t. At your leisure.

Also... I’m using this as an informal beta reading session, since Jonas is really good with big picture concept stuff, but terrible at anything having to do with emotions or the conveyance thereof AND is absolutely not here for even thinking about anything that’s higher than teen rated, and because I’ve been out of the fandom for so long that most to all of my former Dragon Age beta readers have left fandom and my new beta readers aren’t at all in the fandom. So... comments, thoughts, wording changes, spelling and grammar corrections, etc. welcome.

So, without any further ado, I present to you:

Dragon Age: Inquisition - Must Have Done Something Right Dorian Pavus/M!Lavellan Modern Day University AU Chapter 1, Scene 1

As Dorian lay sprawled on his backside on a New Jersey street corner, he couldn't help but wonder which of the monumentally stupid decisions he'd made over the past year and a half had led him to this moment. It could, he allowed, be all of them. In fact, it was very probably all of them. He would have dwelled on this longer, digging deep and trying to pinpoint the exact moment everything in his life had gone to shit, but right now he had more pressing matters to focus on, such as the bruise he could already feel forming on his backside, the frigid water seeping in through the legs of his trousers and down the sides of his shoes, and how the fuck, exactly, he was supposed to get home.

The skies had been clear and blue, with no signs of an impending storm when he'd headed to work that morning. Around mid-afternoon, clients had begun to rush through the door, blowing on their hands, brushing a few stray snowflakes from their shoulders, and commenting on the turn the weather had taken. By the time Dorian finished his shift at seven p.m. he'd stepped through the door into a full on New England blizzard.

He wasn't dressed for it, of course. He'd grabbed an overcoat and gloves on the way out the door, but hadn’t given a second thought to his footwear. Even he wasn't vain enough to wear his second best pair of oxfords if he was expecting snow. For one thing, they didn't deserve to be subjected to the thorough dousing of salt water they were certain to receive. For another, the smooth leather outsoles gave him approximately negative amounts of traction when trying to walk on ice.

Which brought him to here. He'd attempted the drive home on his Vespa, figuring it would be better than attempting to walk home. And it had been, he supposed, until he'd come over the crest of a hill, his back wheel had hit a patch of ice, and the entire bike had tried to kick out from under him. He'd saved it, just, and managed to navigate to the bottom of the hill where a wide expanse of sidewalk allowed him to pull off the road and park. He'd eased the bike as far out of the way as he could, put it in park, and dismounted.

And promptly fell on his ass.

He'd attempted to right himself, which had only led to an embarrassing scramble of feet against ice, legs kicking every which way, until he conceded that, for now, the ground had squarely defeated him, and let himself slide down to rest against the side of his bike.

“Need a hand?” A soft voice asked from above.

Dorian opened his eyes to see a man standing there, one gloved hand extended in his direction. As he stared up through the snow and the floodlights from the nearby building, Dorian couldn't make out any of the man’s facial features beyond impeccably combed dark hair, which glinted with red in the light. The man was well-dressed, however, albeit more sensibly than Dorian given the weather conditions, with a wool muffler tucked neatly into the collar of a knee-length overcoat, his feet clad in ankle-high fleece-lined boots.

The man said nothing, but remained there, arm outstretched, until Dorian managed a quick nod of thanks, took the proffered hand, and tried to lever himself to his feet while the other man pulled. He was surprisingly strong, Dorian noted, especially given his stature, which was good, because he ended up doing most of the work in the exchange while Dorian attempted to use the seat of his bike for leverage, his feet continuing to scrabble for purchase on the ground with every movement.

“Thank you,” Dorian said, dropping his free left hand down to grip the right handlebar of his scooter for balance.

“Don't thank me too much,” the man said. “I did stand by and watch the whole thing happen until I saw you give up and slump down in the snow. Decided I better intervene rather than leaving you out here all night.” He shifted his grip to twist it around into a tight handshake. “Name's Krem, by the way.”

“Dorian. And now I suppose I should thank you double for deciding not to leave me here.”

Not that I have a lot of reason for getting up and going about my life, he didn’t add.

Krem nodded, one corner of his mouth flicking up into the hint of a half smile. “You gonna be alright if I let go now?”

“What?” Dorian asked, then tracked Krem’s gaze to their still joined hands. “Oh… yes. Or… probably, it’s all relative, isn’t it? I mean, I’m not entirely sure how I'm getting home from here, and I hate to leave my bike parked out all night, especially in the snow, but… at least I’m standing. For now.”

“Never know. Snow might stop soon. I'm meeting a friend at a café just down the street. You're welcome to join me. It's warm and dry. Usually. You can buy me a coffee as a thank you. You look like you could use one.”

As a rule, Dorian despised coffee that wasn't prepared to his exacting standards with the proper equipment and techniques, but he was willing to concede that ‘usually warm and dry’ was a better option than laying in the snow on a street corner thinking of all the good reasons he had for staying there and freezing to death. Probably.

“In truth, I could use something a good deal stronger than coffee,” Dorian replied with a wry laugh. “Several somethings, in fact. Possibly a whole bottle of somethings. But alright. Coffee it is. Lead the way.”

[everythingirl44]

What about 19 + 47 + 75 (for Staticquake) for the tropes mashup game!

19 = Summer Camp AU, 47 = Not a Date, 75 = Bed Sharing

Great minds think alike because I almost submitted this prompt minus the Not a Date. When I think of summer camp I imagine the counselors and kids in the woods with the cabins. My interpretation is probably a bit off, but I did my best. I now realize that this is LONG, but I needed to get the details before I could add the requests. I hope you like it, Lily!

Daisy woke up bright and early with a smile on her face. Today was the first day where she would be a counselor at her parents summer camp. Coulson and May started the Shield Summer Camp before they adopted Daisy. Every summer she would go there with them spending her time with the older kids. The camp accepted ages seven through thirteen for seven weeks of fun. Daisy decided to spend the summer before college working at the camp. She was dragging along her two best friends Jemma and Fitz. Daisy could hear her dad yelling from downstairs that they needed to leave. She really should have packed last night. This time it was her mom yelling for her to hurry up. She started frantically throwing clothes into her duffle bag. She ran down the stairs to see Jemma and Fitz waiting. 

“Finally! Though we were never going to leave.” Jemma said once, seeing Daisy at the stairs. The three of them loaded up the car waiting for Coulson and May. They made sure the house was locked before taking off. Abandoning the city and heading for the woods. It was about a four, five-hour drive so they would arrive before noon. The staff came in yesterday to start setting up before the kids arrived tomorrow. Daisy had her headphones in the entire ride. Sitting in the backseat listening to Jemman and Fitz argue about science wasn’t what she was looking forward to. 

“Okay kids, listen up!” Coulson yelled, grabbing their attention. Daisy started to argue that they weren’t kids anymore. That argument stopped once she saw the sign, indicating they were approaching the camp. They drove past the cabins and cafeteria to the staff cabins. 

“How exciting! Aren’t you excited Fitz? We get to help lead the science program this year.” Jemma said, pulling her bag out of the trunk. 

“Yes, yes very exciting.” He mumbled trying to pull his bag out. May pushed him aside, unloading the bag on top before tossing him on the floor. 

“You three have ten minuted to get your stuff in the cabin. Then head over to the cafeteria so we can hand out the rest of the assignments.” May said as she and Coulson got back into the car. They had to drive to their cabin to park the car. Not wanting the three teens to take it out on a joy ride.

“Jemma you’re bunking with me, Elena, and Bobbi, she already grabbed a cabin. Fitz, Hunter, and Mack are in cabin twelve! See you at the cafeteria!” Daisy said hooking her arm around Jemma’s and dragging her away. The two ran to their cabin while Fitz had to walk down the road. Daisy opened the door, quickly claiming a bed before Jemma. Bobbi and Elena already unpacked since they came in yesterday. They exchanged hellos and started walking towards the cafeteria. They talked about Daisy and Jemma attending college. Elena was one year older than them. Bobbi was two years older than the two. Jemma was probably more excited than Daisy. Jemma and Fitz were going to the same school for technology and medicine. Daisy was staying local and going to the state college for computer science. The girls arrived before Mack, Hunter, and Fitz.

“I wonder who else got stuck with them.” Bobbi said leaning against one of the tables. Daisy started laughing, knowing Fitz and Hunter could get into some trouble. Jemma pointed out that they were walking over. They tried peeking to see who the other counselor was. Elena and Mack were already there, along with the rest of the staff. 

“Daisy, didn’t your parents say who else was working?” Jemma asked, turning back to her. She shook her head and watched the door carefully. 

“You can’t be serious.” She said under her breath seeing the infamous Lincoln Campbell walk through the doors. Daisy’s known Lincoln since they were kids. She didn’t exactly hate him, she despised him. With her luck, she had almost every class with him since elementary school. 

“Okay, now that everyone is here. Let’s hand out some assignments! Fitz and Mack, you two are doing the engineering. Jemma and Lincoln volunteered to show the kids some science. Bobbi, May, and Hunter are doing the sports and physical activities. Elena, Daisy arts and crafts, but Daisy don’t forget you have a small group interested in computers.” Coulson continued to remind everyone of their assignments. Going through the schedule for room checks and night patrols. When Daisy was younger they would sneak out and start prank wars with other cabins. Kids still did it which is why they had to enforce the night schedule more.

“Daisy and Lincoln, you two have the first week of night checks.” Coulson quickly said before moving on. Daisy was in absolute shock that her dad put them together. She could hear Jemma and Bobbi laughing, knowing fully well that Lincoln and Daisy did NOT like each other. Coulson dismissed the group and told them to finish setting everything up for tomorrow. 

“It will be okay Daisy. It’s just seven nights, checking the rooms and staying out two hours after curfew with Lincoln.” Bobbi said patting Daisy on the back. She walked over to May and Hunter, probably heading off to set up the archery targets. Jemma gave her a small speech that they were adults now and should put what happened when they were kids aside. Lincoln and Fitz walked over, Daisy wanted to slap that smile right off of Lincoln’s face. 

“So I’ll see you tomorrow night? It’s a date?” Lincoln said teasingly, giving her that annoying smirk. Jemma quickly grabbed Fitz and left the building, not wanting to stick around. 

“It’s not a date Lincoln, we have to do this.” God, he was already annoying her. You’d think after twelve years he’d take a hint. 

“Sounds like a date!” He shouted as he turned to walk away. Daisy was so heated she couldn’t think of a witty comeback. Racking her brain for something to say before he was out of earshot.  

“It’s not!” That was the best she could come up with. Letting out an aggravated sigh she made her way to help Elena. Which is what she should have been doing. Daisy's sour mood continued as she and Elena were cleaning up the crafts room. While Elena was counting the supplies Daisy was sweeping the floor. She may or may not have spilled glitter on it. There was a knock on the wall that drew both of their attention. Mack asked if he could steal Elena for a bit. Daisy didn't really care, she could finish inventory. She watched as they ran off, Fitz and Jemma were also with them. Part of Daisy was jealous that all her friends had stable relationships. Her past two didn’t end well. Breaking her own thoughts she went to finish taking inventory. Be real the glitter was not going to get off the floor. 

Now it was later in the day, everyone was in the cafeteria eating dinner. Their source of amusement was Fitz and Jemma arguing over what they were going to teach the kids. Every one and a while Lincoln would enter the conversation, applying this knowledge on the subject. Daisy started talking with Lincoln's little sister who was attending the camp. Even though Daisy had a bad relationship with Lincoln, she enjoyed talking to his sister. Turns out Amanda had an interest in computers, which Daisy was very excited about. Halfway through their conversation, Daisy felt a kick against her shin. Looking across the table she knew it came from Lincoln. Two could play at that game. Continuing her conversation, Daisy proceeds to kick him back. One turned into two, then became a full out game of footies. This time when she went in for the attack, Lincoln moved his leg causing her to slam her knee into the table. Everyone turned to the two at the end on the table. Lincoln was trying to stifle a laugh, this caused Daisy to start laughing. This only made the rest of the group concerned. Daisy and Lincoln getting along? Not possible.

The next day went smoothly for everyone. Not much happened on the first day of camp. They were assigned bunks and then wandered around the camp, getting the lay of the land. Daisy was transporting a box filled with parts for Fitz and Mack’s class. She walked past the lake seeing some of the kids swimming back to the shore. She balanced the box in one hand, taking her phone out to look at the time. Daisy let out a groan, she had to do night duty with Lincoln. 

“Fitz, what is in this box?” Once Daisy got to the cabin she was quick to put that heavy box down. Fitz started looking through it, making sure everything was there and not broken. 

“Some supplies, we are having the kids build robots. So, night duty with Lincoln?” All she could do was glare at him. The last thing she wanted to do or talk about was having to spend two hours with Lincoln for the next week. 

“Please Fitz don’t remind me. I can’t stand him, for instance, this morning he switched the salt and sugar. I ended up putting salt in my coffee.” Daisy thought they finally outgrew the prank wars. They would start harmless until they started accidentally pulling others in. One time Lincoln set up a water bucket over the girls’ cabin with the intention of getting Daisy. Instead, Bobbi was the one out the door first and ended up with a cold morning shower. Coulson and may once had to pull them aside, that was the most awkward conversation. Looking at the clock she had to meet Lincoln in the courtyard to start the first rounds. Curfew was at nine because the sun had gone down. 

“Finally, you’re twenty minutes late.” Daisy wasn’t surprised at Lincoln's comment on her being late. Besides she made sure he knew she was only three minutes late. Daisy just wanted to get this over with. There were forty-two cabins, each with five or six kids. They had to spend the next two hours checking each cabin and walking around making sure kids weren’t sneaking out. They started with the seven-year-old cabin. Daisy would poke her head into the girls’ cabins telling them lights out if they weren’t already. Lincoln would go into the boys’ cabins doing the same thing. The next set of cabins they went to Daisy turned around to see Lincoln was gone. The light in the boys cabin was out so maybe he went ahead? She started walking to the next set of cabins. While walking she heard a creaking sound coming from the trees. Turning her flashlight to the trees she fully expected to see a kid sneaking out. Nothing was there and she chalked it up to a bird or small animal. She turned back to the trail, but before she could take a step forward a figure popped out of the bushes. Daisy let out a short scream before a hand was clapped over her mouth. She shoved Lincoln off of her flashing the light in his eyes. 

“Are you crazy! You scared the shit out of me!” She screamed in a hushed voice. He was hunched over laughing at her frightened state. Rolling her eyes she started for the next set of cabins with him hot on her trails. He kept saying how he didn’t think she would get scared. He was preaching to the choir, Daisy could care less. Halfway through the checks, Daisy was regretting not bringing a jacket. 

“Hey, are you okay? You’re shaking, if this is because I scared you I really didn’t mean any harm.” Lincoln seemed genuinely concerned and that was something Daisy had never gotten. They had the same friend group and saw each other every day at school, but they didn’t participate in friendly conversation. Daisy was a little take back by this, quickly brushing it off. She said she was fine and they kept walking. The later it got, the colder it was supposed to be summer for God sake! She wasn’t paying attention and tripped over her own feet. Lincoln grabbed her arm before she could hit the ground. 

“Daisy you’re freezing!” Once she was upright he quickly pulled his hand away from her. Insisting she was fine, they continued walking. He couldn’t help but notice how she was still shaking. Protesting again on how she was obviously cold, she snapped back at him that she was, again, FINE. 

“You say you’re fine, but you’re obviously cold!” 

“Why are we even having this conversation? Why do you care?” 

“You know what? I don’t! Go fucking freeze then, I don’t care!” Lincoln threw his arms up in defeat, stomping away from Daisy and to the next cabin. She shivered her way to her cabin seeing the light was off. She used her flash to glance into the window seeing the girls asleep. She was determined to go ahead of Lincoln so she could avoid talking to him. Daisy could hear his footsteps running up behind her. What she wasn’t prepared for was the feeling of a heavy and very, very warm jacket being placed on her shoulders. Immediately she wrapped the jacket further around herself, taking in the warmth. She looked over at Lincoln to see he had given her his jacket. Lincoln had no intention of arguing over the jacket. Daisy wasn’t going to say anything about it either. He still had a long sleeve shirt, while she had a tee-shirt on. Just seven more cabins then Daisy could go back to her warm bed. 

The next day Daisy and Elena were cleaning up the mess the kids left in the crafts room. Daisy slept in missing breakfast, so she was very excited for lunch. The two made their way to the cafeteria, seeing Jemma and Hunter walking over as well. The pairs met up and started chatting about the first official day of camp. 

“Daisy? Where did you get that jacket?” Hunter was the one to change the subject, eyeing the jacket. Trying to keep her composure, now remembering that is was Lincolns jacket. She never gave it back to him the night before and she wasn’t going to admit she kinda loved the jacket. They parted ways once it was eleven, both tired and annoyed with the other. 

“Just a jacket from Goodwill.” Was her response, which wasn’t good enough for Hunter. He continued to provide, hinting that he definitely knew who was the owner of the jacket. Bobbis perfect time saved Daisy from the interrogation. The cafeteria was loud and crowded with the kids. During the conversations at the Lincoln asked if anyone wanted to go with him and some of the older kids onto the lake. Several no’s could be heard in the group. Each had an explanation as to why, but he had to point out Daisy’s. 

“I’m teaching a computer class after lunch.” Was her answer to why she wasn’t going to the lake. Lincoln only rolled his eyes, there were nine kids in the class, which was small. Daisy caught the eye roll, which started another squabble between them. Ending with both of them leaving the table angry with the other. One the way out she made sure to throw the jacket straight at his head. 

This time she brought her own jacket, it wasn’t as nice as his, but she was not going to admit that. They went through the cabins a lot quicker than last time. While they wanted to go back to their cabins, they had to stay until eleven. Once Daisy did get back to the cabin she saw Jemma, Bobbi and Elena were still up. They didn’t even ask about it, but Daisy spent almost two hours ranting about Lincoln. 

The following morning the boy and girls, minus Daisy and Lincoln, met up. They knew the two were probably going to sleep in again. It was the perfect time to hatch a plan. 

“I’m tired of hearing about Daisy at one in the morning. Although I did like knowing I was right about her having his jacket.” The minute Hunter said, everyone knew what had to go down. No matter what, Daisy and Lincoln HAD to become friends, or more, by the end of the week. For the sole purpose of they couldn’t hear them complain about the other anymore. Jemma would ask Daisy to drop things off at the cabin she worked in. Fitz would ask Lincoln to see if Jemma was there on his way to the lake. They tried locking them in the room, but Daisy had a master key. That’s how they dragged Amanda into the plan. They were shocked when she was all for it. 

That night Amanda snuck out of her cabin. Daisy and Lincoln caught her quick and dragged her back to her cabin. She could see Lincoln was disappointed, but it would be worth it if this worked. During her apology she started to cry, causing Daisy to give her a hug. That was her opportunity to get Daisy’s keys. Jemma and Fitz convinced the two that it would get hot tonight for some scientific reason that Daisy and Lincoln didn’t understand. Now they were both cold and wandering around in the dark. Mack changed the batteries in the flashlights, they died quickly. Hunter and Bobbi knew there was a counselor cabin close to the kids’ cabins that wasn’t used unless kids were sick. They knew the heater worked and there was a bed inside. Hunter turned on the power and Bobbi had Elena stand in the cabin until the two noticed. She was quick to get out of there without them noticing. They walked in confused, the power was on and Lincoln swore he saw someone in there. 

“Maybe it got left on by accident, it stores medical supplies. Someone probably scrapped their knee or something.” Daisy walked back over to the door only to find it wouldn’t open. 

“Lincoln, the door is stuck.” She said trying to push the door open.

“What do you mean the door is stuck?” He asked walking over and trying to get the door open. What does he think she meant? Luckily she had her keys with her. Reaching in her pocket she realized there were no keys. 

“I must have dropped them or something.” She said, both of them coming to the conclusion that they were stuck in the cabin. 

“At least the heater is working.” He said sitting on the bed. The power going out was completely out of everyone hands. The group didn’t even know the power went out because once Daisy and Lincoln were locked in, they went to bed. 

“Had to jinx us, didn’t you? It’s bad enough we’re stuck here, but did I have to be stuck here with you?” Daisy sat down on the other side of the bed, back facing him. 

“Okay, camp princess at least I didn’t lose my keys.” Daisy turned around ready with a comeback. Why was he laying down? The question of what are you doing left her mouth. Getting comfortable, they were probably going to be locked in there till morning. 

“Could you get up, I want to be warm under the covers.” He said pulling on the blanket. Daisy wanted to protest, but the little heat that was in the room was fading. Lincoln and Daisy were tucked under the covers. There was an unspoken agreement to stay on their side and don’t hog the blanket. 

“Why are you breathing so hard?” Lincoln turned his head over, glaring at Daisy’s comment. 

“Why are you so annoying?” She sat up, dragging the blanket up with her. 

“You are the most stuck up, aggravating, know it all, who has ever walked this Earth!” She shouted at him. He stared at her not moving or saying anything. Daisy got up forgetting that the door was locked and she couldn’t walk away from him. 

“The past twelve years you have pushed my buttons. The pranks and the teasing it’s just so annoying! Yet, you have the audacity to say I’m annoying?” Lincoln has never, ever seen Daisy lose her shit. She was overall a very calm person. 

“I didn’t- didn’t realize it bothered you that much. You always play it back. Didn’t think there was a problem and if there was why didn’t you say anything?” That was a good question. Why hadn’t she said anything? Was it because she genuinely enjoyed the fun banter between them. How even why they were angry, they were laughing at each other. She went back sitting on the bed, pulling over covers over her lap. 

“I’m envious of you. You have your amazing sister and your parents. I love May and Coulson, but they’re not my birth parents. My birth parent didn’t want me and everyone I love will leave eventually.” Part of Daisy felt silly for saying that. She was deflecting her feelings because she still felt like everyone leaves her eventually. 

“One, that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Your friends, May and Coulson, they’re never going to leave you. Two, I’m envious of you. You have it all figured out, the college you want to go to, what you’re going to do after. You even get this really cool summer camp.” He said making her laugh. That was the first real conversation they’ve had and it was long overdue. They ended up reminiscing stories of them not getting along. 

“No, remember eighth-grade graduation. You tripped me when I was walking back to my seat.” How could Lincoln forget? She slapped him with her award. 

“This ones better, we were in high school doing a lab project. We weren’t paying attention and mixed the wrong chemicals.”

“We had to stay and clean up the mess. That was horrible!” She finished for him. After moments of laughter, there was complete silence. It wasn’t awkward, it was nice. Like they were content in each others company. 

“I think I know my favorite memory.” Daisy said rolling on her side to look at him. He faced her, raising an eyebrow. Giving her the silent question of which moment. 

“This one because losing my keys and this cabin being on, was the best thing that could happen.” She said smiling and Lincoln couldn’t agree more. 

“This whole situation made one this very clear.”

“That our rivalry was really us being horrible flirts?” Daisy was worried that ruined the moment, but Lincoln confirmed her sudden revelation. This entire time they really, really like each other. They just let the other get to them so easily that the rivalry out weight the flirting. They much of fallen asleep at some point because they were forced awake by the sun. It did get colder in the night and when the heat finally went away, they ended up cuddling for warmth. The only issue was they were still stuck in the cabin. There was a knock on the window that drew their attention away from the door. Amanda was standing there holding Daisy’s keys. She unlocked the door to show their friends standing there with wide smiles. 

“You people are evil! Do you know how cold it got in there!” Daisy screeched at the group. 

“You could have at least left the power on.” Lincoln said crossing his arms. Everyone looked at Hunter because he was the one that turned on that cabins circuit. 

“She was wearing his sweater! You all really thought locking them in a room was going to make them friends? No, you have to take it one step further. Besides, was I the only one who realized they were flirting?”

[down-in-dixie]

Simple life questions: 2, 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10 Love Life: 12, 13, 14, 18, 19, 20 Childhood: 24, 25, 26, 28, 29, 30 Education: 34, 36, 38, 39, 40 More fun questions: 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 49, 50 TV, Books, Movies, and Music: 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60 ETC.: 61, 64, 65, 68, 69, 70 This or That: 71, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80 Getting Deep: 82, 84, 87, 88, 90 ETC. Part 2: 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 100

2. How many pets do you have? None. I had a cat but she died of old age a few months ago.

4. Diet or regular sodas? Regular.

5. Biggest fear(s) Can't think of one right now.

6. Favorite food(s) Anything that tastes good.

8. Favorite color(s) Black, purple, blue, turquoise, red

9. Number of siblings I have one younger brother.

10. Favorite animal Cats (big & domestic), dogs, wolves and horses.

12. Hugs or kisses? Both are nice.

13. Would you have sex on the first date? No. I'm not giving it up that easily. You want it, you have to show me that you deserve it. Which means we'd have to be dating for awhile before I'd even consider it.

14. Do you kiss & tell? No, whatever happens behind closed doors stays behind closed doors.

18. Tall & blonde or brunette & a little nerdy? It depends on what kind of person they are.

19. 5 turn ons Good personality A good sense of humor Intelligent A deep / husky voice Good with their hands

20. 5 turn offs Bad personality Smoking Excessive drinking / getting drunk all the time. I don't mind if people drink or get drunk every once in awhile but if it happens all the time..Growing up my dad was an alcoholic and I'm not putting up with that shit again. Bad / poor hygiene

24. Favorite childhood TV show Xena: Warrior Princess, The X-Files, JAG, Living Single, Golden Girls, The Nanny, Charmed, Star Trek, Sliders, all the shows that used to come on TGIF, and a lot of cartoons.

25. Favorite childhood movie Aside from all the Disney movies, The NeverEnding Story, A League of Their Own, A Walk in the Clouds, Willow, among many many others that I can't think of right now...

26. Favorite childhood book The Goosebump books.

28. When you were a kid what did you want to be when you grew up? First I wanted to be a veterinarian, then a cop / detective and finally a photographer. And I ended up becoming none of those things.

29. Favorite childhood activity Sports, rollerblading, horseback riding, climbing trees, swimming, pool, bowling

30. Favorite elementary school subject Art and music.

34. High school graduation year 2004. Thanks for making me feel old now.

36. College of choice The local Community College because I wanted to stay home and save money.

38. Did you have to wear a uniform in school? I went to a public school and we didn't have uniforms. Thank God.

39. Was / is your high school big or small? It was fairly small.

40. What do you want your career to be? Successful.

41. Describe your fashion taste Alex Danvers.

42. Have you ever had a secret crush on a friend? Yes.

43. Ideal date. I don't really care what we do as long as I get to eat at some point.

44. Favorite nickname I'm not really a nickname kind of person..

45. London or Paris? Both.

46. Favorite store. I don't really have one.

47. If you could go anywhere for a week, all expensenses paid, where would you go? Probably Scotland or Ireland.

49. If you could meet anyone, dead or alive, who would it be? The very first woman.

50. Are you a light sleeper? Nope. Once I’m asleep I'm dead to the world.

51. Comedy movies or musicals? I like some comedies but I'd say I'm more of a musical person.

52. Favorite book(s) Too many to name. And from now on I'm just going to put this for all the 'favorite' questions because there’s too much thinking involved.

53. Favorite movie(s) Too many to name

54. Favorite TV show(s) Too many to name

55. If you could bring back any cancelled TV show, what would it be? I can't think of one right now.

56. Favorite Actor I don't really have one.

57. Favorite actress Too many to name.

58. Favorite singer Too many to name.

59. Favorite band Too many to name.

60. Favorite song Too many to name.

61. If you were stranded on an island, what 5 things would you want with you? A large crate filled with non-perishable food and water, a box of matches, a gun with bullets or a knife, a bag of clothes, and bug spray.

64. Favorite fruit Too many to name.

65. Favorite vegetable Too many to name.

68. 3 Words to describe yourself Sarcastic, stubborn, competitive

69. Ice cream or frozen yogurt? Both.

70. Do you play any sports? If so, what are they? Basketball, although it's mostly just me going outside and shooting hoops for an hour or so. I haven't played on a team in years. I also used to play softball during the summer but I had to quit because the weather got too hot.

71. Pizza or chicken nuggets? Both.

74. Math or reading? READING!!! I despise math.

75. Flowers or chocolates? Either one.

76. Christmas or your birthday? Neither.

77. Hot or cold? It depends on what it is.

78. Pool or beach? Either one.

79. Cake or pie? Both.

80. Picnic in the park or romantic dinner? It depends on the season. If it's fall or spring then a picnic would be nice. But if it's summer or winter then I want a romantic dinner inside.

82. Would you say your friends are truly there for you? I suppose so. At least when it really matters.

84. Have you ever had a friend turn on you? I don't think so.

87. What are you looking forward to the most right now? Cold weather. It can't get here fast enough.

88. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep? Quite a few times.

90. Are you happy with your life right now? Considering that I'm practically wasting away at home during a pandemic right now, I'd say that life could be better..

91. Do you cry easily? Kinda..

92. What was the last movie you cried at? A Dog's Purpose. I usually cry when animals are involved.

93. Do you save souvenirs from vacations? I do. I have to have something to help me remember the trip.

94. How many kids do you want? I'll pass, thanks.

95. What are you listening to right now? The frogs that are outside my window.

96. One thing you love about yourself. My eyes.

97. One thing you dislike about yourself. My sleep schedule. It's pretty much fucked up.

98. Biggest insecurity. I have no idea.

100. Any question you want. I just want to go to bed now.

[starline148]

[In11] Reading Headcanons

These days are being really stressful at work so I’ve been writting this to relax a little.

One of my favourite things are books. I really like reading so I decide to write what I think that would be the Inazuma character’s habits on reading and their favorite books. Only Original Series because I don’t feel like I really know the Ares/Orion ones.

I’d love if more people share their headcanons about this topic even if they aren’t the same as me!! Spread the love for books and reading.

[Inazuma Eleven] Headcanons on Books and Reading

Afuro Terumi:  He likes to read in general, although what he enjoys most is not books as such but Legends and Myths from different parts of the world. Especially from Greek mythology, two works of this style fascinate him "The Iliad" and "The Odyssey". You can ask him any questions about a hero or god and he will know the answer without hesitation. 

Choi Chang Shoo: He loves to read and cultivate his mind. He reads a lot of Asian literature, he actually reads a lot of everything. His favorite book is "The Art of War".

Edgar Valtinas: He really likes to read, and tell people how much he reads making criticism that nobody asks for about his last literary acquisition. If it is boring and convoluted, he likes it more. Reading pompous things that he can proudly show off even if they are complex reading. "Pride and Prejudice" is his favorite work. He also likes "Les Miserables" and "The Count of Monte Cristo".

Domon Asuka:  He does not dislike reading, although they are light and often humorous things, for times when he wants to do something different, even outdoors. He likes light novels and comics. A light novel that he likes a lot is "The devil is a part-timer!".

Dylan Keith: "War of the Worlds", the best work ever conceived. Normally what he reads are usually comics, the more related to alien invasions or zombies, the better. In any case he is a slow reader and prefers to watch movies or series.

Endou Mamoru: He doesn't like to read, he prefers to use his time to training and playing football. The only thing he sees reading for his own pleasure are his grandfather's notebooks and football magazines.

Fidio Ardena: He likes to read, he tries to combine it with the rest of his obligations and hobbies, he seeks to read every day although sometimes he can't, but on the weekend he will always take out even an hour to read. He really likes Italian literature and his favorite work is "Scaramouche" and "The Name of the Rose".

Fubuki Shirou: He likes to read from time to time, although when he picks up a book he has the need to finish it, the stories that have a happy ending are his favorites, especially romantic and cloying stories. Sadly it seems that almost all romantic classics do not have a very happy ending. So he goes more to youth books in that sector and ends up reading things like "Twilight". Since Fuyuka likes the same books, it is often common that after reading a book they exchange their opinions animatedly.

Fudou Akio: He likes to read for a while before going to bed, although he doesn't spend much time he is a fast reader. His favorite books are of the black and horror novel genre, fond of the novels of Agatha Cristie and Edgar Allan Poe, "The Crimes of Morgue Street" is his favorite. He also reads the works of Lovecraft and likes "The Hound of the Baskervilles". He doesn’t despise comics with a serious plot, he is a fan of "Death Note" and "Monster". In the morning he wonders why he has disturbing dreams.

Genda Koujirou:  He doesn't mind reading, but he doesn't like it that much either. From time to time he picks up a book if it catches his attention, he lets himself be carried away by the titles and the color of the cover. Of course, after Sakuma reads a book, he will also do so to be able to comment with the other boy. The only books he reads because he likes them are western books, his favorites are "Warlock" and "Desert Centaurs".

Gouenji Shuuya:  He doesn't like to read at all. He blames his father forcing him to read a lot as a child thinking that would make him smarter. The only thing he reads are children's books that he reads to his sister before bedtime and of course, on a personal level he doesn't like them at all. Although the story of "The Lion King" causes his eyes to swell.

Handa Shinichi: As you would expect from a normal person, Handa likes to read normally. Neither too much nor too little He does not have a favorite novel, everything passes without grief or glory to him. Read much more outreach books or guide books or keys to achieve different goals, such as "Super powers of success for normal people".

Hijikata Raiden: He loves to read his sibblings, although he doesn't have time to read for himself, he doesn't care much. He loves children's literature and really enjoys telling and even setting up the stories. Sometimes even he invents stories in which of course, his sibblings are the protagonists. It is not uncommon for existing stories to change the names of the protagonists so that their siblings feel more identified. Every day it's up to one of them to shine. His favorite is "Peter Pan" because of the number of children that appear.

Ichinose Kazuya: He likes to read things with a lot of deep and from which something can be learned. He does not care if the novel does not give an excessively happy ending, the drama does not bother him. He likes works like "The Great Gatsby", "The Lord of the Flies" and "Kill a Mockingbird".

Kabeyama Keigorou: Reading is not something he especially like, but he likes manga, his favorites are sports shonen, but he does not dislike adventure. Then talk to Kurimatsu and Megane about these. He still doesn't find one that he especially likes, although sometimes he looks very enthusiastic about "One Piece".

Kageno Jin: He likes to read, he tries to read at least a little every week. His favorite books are optimistic books and happy stories with which yhe can evade and look for guidelines to bring them into your life. His favorite is "Over Lemons".

Kazemaru Ichirouta: He likes to read a lot, he is also a fast reader and can read things that for other people would be endless in a couple of days. He doesn't have a genre he likes in particular, he prefers to read a little of everything. His favorite books are "The Pillars of the Earth".

Kidou Yuuto: He spends a little time daily to read and keep up to date with the news through the newspaper. Read anything within he reachs to expand his knowledge, from historical novels to popular science books. His favorites are Julio Verne's books, especially "Around the World in 80 days" and "Journey to the Center of the Earth" and the series of "Captain Alatriste" by Arturo Pérez Reverte.

Kino Aki: Read the normal, neither too much nor too little. Many times she reads the books that the boys of the soccer club like because she thinks that way she understands them a little better. From time to time there is a book that she especially like, such as "Momo" or "The Endless Story".

Kiyama Tatsuya: Try to read every day even a little, although some time passes between book and book. He likes books with spiritual moral and personal growth books. His favorite books are "The Monk who sold his Ferrari" and "The Knight in Rusty Armor".

Kogure Yuuya: Who needs to read being able to play jokes? From time to time he reads some comedy manga, but it is at its best. He doesn't have something in particular that he likes, except "Gintama", but he prefers to watch the animated version. Sometimes he reads books of jokes or pranks.

Kudou Fuyuka: She likes to read, she tries to read frequently, although she doesn't always do it daily. She loves mixed romance and fantasy books, in which humans are mixed with angels, or similar. Her favorite books are "The Lux Saga". She usually talks a lot about these books with Fubuki.

Kurimatsu Teppei: Mangas and comics, although if he can play video games instead of reading, better for him. He likes "Naruto", "Boku no Hero Academy" and shonen manga of adventure.

Luca:  He doesn't particularly like reading, he gets bored quickly, occasionally he finds a book that catches his eye. Despite everything, he is passionate about "The Lord of the Rings" and "The Hobbit", from time to time he costumes himself as a character, his favorite is Legolas, and goes to conventions, sometimes he even manages to convince Hidetoshi to go with him.

Mac Roniejo:  He does not like or dislike reading, it is not something he seeks to do in his normal free time, but occasionally he feels like reading a good book. In those cases you can see him especially reading books by Paulo Coelho. His favorite book is "The Alchemist".

Mark Kruger:  He is an occasional reader, although when he decides to read a book he sure enjoys the reading. He likes stories related to World War II, such as "The Diary of Anne Frank", "The Book Thief" and "The Museum of Stolen Memories". 

Matsuno Kuusuke: He likes to read although he doesn't do so much because he usually dedicates his time to sports and his friends. He likes comedy and humor books, his favorite book is “No Word from Gurb”, he loves all Eduardo Mendoza's books.

Megane Kakeru: The most fan of the mangas of everyone, he reads almost everything that comes out in the market because he has a lot of free time dedicated to this hobby. "Captain Harlock" is his favorite manga, he also loves "Jojo".

Midorikawa Ryuuji: He likes to read, he is the one that love reading the most of everyone, and reads everything he gets, although the European classics are the ones that most attract his attention, works such as "The Divine Comedy", "Don Quijote", "Hamlet", " Romeo and Juliet ”,“ Lights of Bohemia ”,“ Madame Bovary ”, etc. 

Nagumo Haruya:  He doesn't like to read, unless they are books or comics about aliens. He has a collection on this subject that ranges from the most scientific disclosure to books on conspiracy. When he buys one of these books, he looks through it and reads it little by little.

Nakata Hidetoshi:  He doesn't read much because he prefers to use his free time to training football or for his studies. But occasionally he likes to relax with a samurai novel that helps him remember how much he loves his country despite being far away. The Stories of “Tange Sazen” are his favorites.

Otonashi Haruna:  She loves comics and manga. She reads a lot of superheroes and his favorite is Spiderman, although she likes them all. She also reads many shojo mangas, she especially likes “Ouran Host Club” and “Card Captor Sakura”.

Raimon Natsumi: She likes reading a lot, it's one of the things she likes most. She loves books whose protagonists are women, regardless of literary genre. Her favorite book is "The Heart of the Banshee" and she also likes the books of "Memories of Idhun" and "Nothing".

Rococo Urupa:  He doesn't read much, although he doesn't dislike it as such, he simply has other priorities. He is updated on sports news and little else. He has a book that he likes very much and it is "The mines of King Solomon".

Sakuma Jirou:  He doesn't read so much, but when he finds a good book, he devours it from beginning to end and it is better to leave him alone and not bother him. He likes adventure books like "Treasure Island", "Tom Sawyer" or "Robinson Crusoe".

Saginuma Osamu: Reading is one of his hobbies, he likes to read anything although his favorite genre is poetry. He really likes Matsuo Basho, Shakespeare and Lord Byron. He also reads Pablo Neruda and likes to write Haikus when he feels inspired. He reads the newspaper every day.

Shishido Sakichi: He likes to read when he finds a book that catches his eye, he reads it little by little to make it last longer, and because he can't stand reading for really long. His favorite book is "Oliver Twist".

Shourinji Ayumu: He reads from time to time, it is not something he likes very much, what he likes to read are stories about ninjas or martial artists. His favorite work is "The Ninja". He also really likes the manga of "Ranma ½".

Someoka Ryugo: Reading is for the borings, Someoka prefers to do some physical activity rather than reading, although occasionally he flips through something without much interest in anything in particular. The only book that has managed to touch his heart is "The Little Prince".

Suzuno Fuusuke: He likes to read occasionally, it is not something he looks for every day although for him it is a pleasant pastime. He likes books of social criticism and analysis of people. Therefore, it is easy to find him with books such as "The Prince", "The Metamorphosis", "The Wealth of Nations" or even "Mein Kampf".

Tachimukai Yuuki: He likes youth novels, not so serious and more destined to have a fun time. His favorite books are "Harry Potter" and also "Septimus." He likes fantasy and books related to magic. He also fondly stores "The Famous Five" book collection. After reading a book he likes, he will recommend it to Toramaru.

Teres Tolue: He likes to read, although he doesn't do so much because he doesn't have much free time. His favorite works are "One Hundred Years of Solitude", "Hopscotch", "The City and the Dogs" and "The Death of Artemio Cruz". He also reads poetry in Spanish especially from Machado and Neruda.

Tobitaka Seiya: He likes to read, especially Japanese literature. His favorite books mix the action with the psychological thriller, he also likes samurai stories a lot. His favorite book is "Out".

Tsunami Jousuke: He doesn't like to read, he's unable to focus with a book in front. He prefers to spend his time surfing or anything else. He is one of those who think that if a book is so good, it will have a movie. The only things he has read over a long, long time are “Moby Dick”, “Twenty thousand leagues under the sea” and “The Little Mermaid”, he is not a thematic boy at all.

Urabe Rika: She doesn't like much to read, so she doesn't do it as normal and when she is forced to read something she does it protesting. Although when looking at the social network profiles of her acquaintances she is a true master. She sometimes sees some shojo manga, but she prefers to watch them in anime. Her favorite is "Fruits Basket".

Utsunomiya Toramaru: "Artemis Fowl" is his favorite book. He likes fantasy and science fiction books, which are easy to read and make him have a fun time. He also likes "Sherlock Holmes" books and "Detective Conan" mangas because he is passionate about detective stories. He reads occasionally, normally he is very busy with his chores, although he usually takes a while to talk to Tachimukai since they both share similar tastes.

Yagami Reina: She likes to read, because new worlds and realities seem to be within her reach. She likes tales a lot because then she tells them to the little children of the Sun Garden. Her favorite stories are "Beauty and the Beast" and "Alice in Wonderland".

Yamino Kageto: Only read if he find something he thinks is worth reading. He likes horror and gothic genre, the works that attract his attention are dark and often tragic. His favorite books are "The Portrait of Dorian Gray", "Dracula" and "Faust".

Zaizen Touko: She likes to read although she doesn't like to admit it, because when she does everyone thinks it's because she's a "good girl". She likes action books, with dark or not too happy touches, "The Call of the Wild" and "The Three Musketeers" are her favorite books.

[askiisoft]

FAN ART FRIDAY: ALL THE WARRIORS, Part 4

This is it, ladies and gentlemen. For the past three weeks, I’ve had the pleasure of sharing the community’s original characters in the world of Katana ZERO—from war heroes to psycho killers, and everything in between—drawn by some the most creative and talented fan artists I’ve ever met. 

Today we salute the last of New Mecca’s “lost generation” in the jam-packed finale to All the Warriors. Those late to the party can catch up on the previous parts here: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

Let’s begin.

[WARNING: The work herein is based on fan creations, and should not be considered canon.]

Alpha 7, “Jill” by @daratsugu

She had it all. A sports star since high school, Jill could have made history as a legendary athlete or breathtaking model. But beneath her physique and beauty was a strong heart, one that desired to make a difference in the world somehow. So when government suits approached her seeking peak physical specimens for trials of a ‘radical life-saving drug’, she accepted eagerly.

Not long afterwards, the war began.

Jill’s service record afterwards remains a mystery, given her lackluster communication skills and endemic shyness. But whatever she witnessed on the battlefield, it never blunted her kindness or dampened her faith in humanity. There is comfort in the certainty of her own mortality, and she’s determined to spend her final days doing as much good as she can.

By @daratsugu

—

Gamma 6 by @wpc0123wpc

More well-known than the deadliest assassins and most fearsome mafia dons, one man is famous across every restaurant in Chinatown: the ‘chao fan shen’, or “fried rice god”, known for his slovenly appearance, incredible combat skills, and insatiable appetite for his namesake. Of course, that’s not to say he’s a glutton—Six has developed an extremely discriminating palate, and any chef who skimps on the diced pork or sesame oil can expect a sound rebuke.

If only he paid as much attention in everyday life. Because of his poor eyesight and ever-present headphones, he’s an easy mark for thieves like Gamma 12 or enterprising muggers...or so it seems. Chinatown residents swear they’ve witnessed him pull an executioner’s battleaxe from his guitar case, but surely that’s just Eastern superstition. Right?

By @wpc0123wpc

—

Gamma 22, “TnT” by @_sbserpent

"Be silent, dress loudly.”

ZZ’s selective mutism hasn’t stopped her from drawing the eye of passerby. Her prominent back scars, perpetual bedhead hair, and psychedelic rainbow clothing are almost begging to be ridiculed. Those who know ZZ are smart enough not to tease her about it; others who make that mistake find themselves adding a few splashes of red to her outfit.

Since moving to the Second District, her fashion sense has actually started a minor fad among its population of wealthy young heiresses and bachelorettes, who have begun tousling their hair and wearing multicolored stockings in crass imitation. She’s even been featured in a few street fashion magazines, albeit unnamed. ZZ doesn’t mind the attention, so long as their photographers stay out of her way and keep their mouths shut...

“I warned you.” By @_sbserpent

—

Beta 111, “Gurkha” by @55_yamisan

There may be someone who once said, “I want to go back together.”

There may be someone who once shared their personal space.

There may be someone who didn’t want to die, and someone else who no longer wants to live...

All illustrations by @55_yamisan

—

Gamma 30, “Thirty” by @meto1030​

Just as other Gamma NULLs were violently psychotic or narcissistic, Gamma 30′s disorder was selflessness to a fault, believing any amount of suffering was worthwhile if it made things even a little easier for someone else. As a nurse or aid worker, Thirty could have done so much good, had they not been blessed with extreme reactiveness to Chronos that placed them squarely within a Gamma kill-squad.

Every waking moment was spent in neurosis, desperately thinking of ways they could possibly be of service around base camp, and each rest was filled with nightmares of squadmates buried under rubble or pinned by enemy fire, desperately crying out for help as Thirty fruitlessly crawled to them, trapped in slow motion. 

Once the fighting had ended and a ceasefire declared, the only way Thirty could imagine to be of use was becoming a test subject in the government labs, a position typically reserved for NULL candidates too weak to warrant a number and rank. There, at least, they are shielded from the predatory instincts of other NULL who would not hesitate to exploit Thirty’s altruism.

By @meto1030

— 

Gamma 61, “Geist” by @dawnygoi

Just because you’re living hand-to-mouth doesn’t mean you can’t pursue your passion. Due to their various psychoses, Gamma troopers developed more eccentricities than their predecessors—the most common being increased sensitivity to music. Their preferred genres varied, but a Gamma NULL could be found humming or nodding their head some invisible beat before or after a battle. 

For Gamma 61, his favorite beat was the deafening, breakneck rhythm of his trusty man-portable minigun, and he often burned through hundreds of rounds just to hear its song, filled with the sharpest crescendos and deepest bass. Sadly, it’s a luxury he can no longer afford, and he suffers the indignity of killing his targets with simple knives and other concealable weapons in order to afford his ‘medicine’.

— 

Gamma 33, “Weasel” by @zebdraws

As a legendary rock star once said, “ You see, you don't have to live like a refugee.”

When government spooks are after your head, you have two choices: spend what’s left of your life on the run, or become the biggest musical sensation New Mecca has ever known. 

As a soldier, Weasel was fiercely competitive, treating every ally as a potential rival and going to extreme lengths to win any wager, even if it meant resorting to violence. That never changed after he discovered his love of music, even though his musical talents are utterly dreadful, like most NULL. 

His “invasion” of several high-profile concerts prompted many venues in the city to begin employing armed security to patrol their dance floors, most notably Club Neon. However, the untimely death of DJ Electrohead has skyrocketed Weasel to stardom as Second District clubs scramble to book a replacement act. 

—

Gamma 511 by @Am3002814

On an employment survey for government security, Gamma 511 would fail by every metric: he’s paranoid, meek, and highly conspicuous thanks to his numerous nervous tics that emerge at even the slightest hint of confrontation. Even when mixed in a crowd, he seems to have an uncanny presence that unnerves those around him. Yet his security record is spotless, and none of his charges have ever come to harm. 

So what exactly about 511 sets so many ill at ease? Could it be his shifty gaze, restlessly darting about at strangers’ throats, stomachs, and nether regions? Maybe his constant and profuse sweating, staining his ill-fitting trench coat even on a cold winter morning? Or perhaps it’s the faint “ ゴゴ ゴゴ ゴゴ ゴゴ “  that permeates the air as he walks by with his awkward, loping gait...?

Truly, it’s the quiet ones you have to watch out for.

By @Am3002814

—

Beta 39, by @lyexueyee

Stealth and infiltration is an art, not a science. Beta 39′s brand of assassination involves hiding in plain sight—in a crowd wearing her perpetually tired and glum expression, or standing outside a store with hands on her hips, as if impatiently waiting for someone. She deflects attention so well, no one notices the bent and bloodied length of pipe sticking out of her faux-high school bag. 

“Hey, those are some cute hairpins!” A student on the train remarks. “Nnh,” 39 murmurs.

“Oh, you must be part of the kendo club!” An old woman exclaims, and is met with a half-lidded stare and a deep, echoing silence.

Hours later, a beat cop finds a local mobster dead in an alley behind his favorite bar, bearing signs of blunt trauma and several stab wounds from a low angle. His gun lies nearby, not a single shot fired. No suspects are ever found.

By @lyexueyee

—

Beta 34, “Ephemera” by @BMb_kngw

“What use is a tape that can only be rewound three times?”

That was what Ephemera overheard following his fitness trials and physical examination. The researchers had never encountered his like before: a genetic trait that resisted the effects of Chronos, such that a full dose would only allow him a few minutes of precognition and a negligible boost in reflexes—not even on par with Alpha-class NULL. His training results and leadership scores had topped the charts, but by a twist of fate, he barely escaped being sent to the labs.

Even after being assigned to a frontline squad, Ephemera faced continued stigma. Some refused to acknowledge him as “one of them” at all, and rumors spread that his ‘condition’ was contagious, and merely being around him could sap others of their Chronos abilities. 

The day he was rushed to the infirmary, his leg a bloodied stump, some jeered that any other NULL could have “reset” to undo such an injury. But oh, how the tables have turned. As it turned out, his ‘condition’ also shielded him from any symptoms of withdrawal. He lives now as a free man, one of the few NULL able to truly leave the war behind.

By @BMb_kngw

—

Beta 18, “Gav” by @smugeroni

Actions speak louder than words. Anyone who’s pried into the past of a Cromag War vet knows how bitter and cagey they get, but Gav’s wartime injury lets him dodge questions about his service days and move onto the crucial next step of healing and atonement. Homeless veterans who would otherwise despise those “test tube freaks” are thankful for his constant charity and unreasonably tasty meals.

There are still traces of a fighter behind his gentle smile: his bullet-riddled motorbike lies rusting in storage downtown, and he keeps a gun stowed behind the counter for the occasional mob racketeer. No one knows who steered Gav away from his life as a road warrior—who they were to him, or whether they’re dead or alive—but they take comfort in knowing a man can change, and not always for the worse.

—

Beta 49, “D.D.” by @sapheiri

On her first sortie as a rookie NULL, D.D. envisioned a battle worthy of pre-war action movies: fiery explosions at her back, bullets whizzing past her ears, and jets flying overhead as she charged the enemy lines, firing a gun in each hand. 

Instead, she found a nightmare. The enemy had set traps and laid ambushes everywhere; the laboratory eggheads had assured her that Chronos had made her immortal, but in that desolate jungle her faith shattered. She was found quivering in a muddy ditch, half-deafened by a close-range blast and wearing socks after forgetting to lace up her combat boots.

Instead of being discharged for proper therapy and recovery, D.D. became a test case for second-generation Prozium, designed to deaden emotions and instill obedience. She returned calm and combat-ready days later, and the researchers commended themselves for their success. They would later come to fear D.D. after seeing her in action.

Today, she can truly realize her former action-heroine fantasies, blasting her way past dozens of gunmen with guns akimbo and walking away unscathed. But she can feel no pleasure from it, nor reflect on the horror at the killing machine she’s become. Some say she still wears her boots unlaced to recapture the rush of danger and fear of death from that first mission, something she has now lost forever.

By @sapheiri

—

Gamma 22 by @dodokubobo

An ideal army is a combination of tactical genius and strict discipline. Gamma 22 had neither, leaning entirely on his remarkable aptitude for Chronos and prowess with his twin katanas to propel him through disciplinary headaches that would have earned any other soldier weeks in the brig. Evidently, it worked; drill instructors ignored his constant absence from combat drills and loud snoring during briefings. As long as he got things done, who cared?

This “golden child” mentality has only swelled his ego since the NULL diaspora, taking what he wants and abusing his abilities to do as he pleases. This makes him an obvious target, but many a foe have seen their cunning ambushes and clever traps fall apart in the face of 22′s sheer speed and skill. Among the New Meccan underworld, there is one piece of advice passed down to every aspiring hitman and bounty hunter: “Do not pursue Gamma 22.”

By @dodokubobo

— 

Beta 66 by @temeokopn

Before the cybernet made information widely accessible to the masses, intel had to be collected the old-fashioned way: through spying, stealth, or skullduggery. This was the perfect calling for Beta 66, who excelled at staying out of sight. 

On certain scouting missions, he would wait hours, even days, for the enemy to trip a land mine or succumb to slow-acting poison. And as he waited, he would listen to the sounds of wilderness and scan the night sky through his mask, counting the stars.

In a post-war New Mecca hostile to veterans, 66′s life became a more cloistered affair, surviving as an information broker instead of risking his life behind enemy lines It was only days after his data stream sputtered out that anyone discovered his absence. 

One can only hope 66 found the stars he so loved.

“I go to the stars.” By @temeokopn

—

Beta 9 “Heads” & Beta 10, “Tails” by Jicker

Dynamic duos are nothing new to the New Meccan lowlife, but Heads & Tails are trailblazers in terms of brother-and-sister team-ups. In between sibling quarrels over the superiority of shuriken or grenades, these two clean up mafia hideouts over twice as fast as a single NULL, wordlessly executing well-worn strategies they developed on the battlefield during their first missions against the Cromags; Heads cuts down obstacles to widen her brother’s line of sight or deflects bullets as he reloads, while Tails pins the enemy with suppressing fire as his sister closes the distance with her blade. 

Truth be told, their combined efforts often barely compare to some of the carnage a Gamma NULL could unleash. The difference is that, unlike a Gamma, Heads & Tails can’t be bought, nor bargained with. They can’t be bribed with Chronos or crippled by withdrawal. Whatever their reason for isolating themselves from other NULL, it’s clear that the only allies they need are each other.

“We have a Dragon to slay.” By Jicker

—

Alpha 66 by @ren_hyuga

Stella von Ruthuberia’s regal name suggests a relation to one of the prestigious Old Families, though pre-war records make no mention of her in any aristocratic lineage. How someone of her social status was inducted into the NULL corps remains an even deeper mystery. Some claim her to be an illegitimate heir cast out by her family to die inconspicuously, while a few believe she sought the immortalizing power of Chronos, something beyond what mere wealth could provide.

Since her near-fatal injury and the convoluted grafting procedure that surpassed all previous prostheses, the illusive von Ruthuberia has retreated from the public eye, her estate guarded by patrols day and night. 

However, some say her hermetic existence is merely an act, and amid a vast stockpile of ill-gotten Chronos, she is every bit as deadly as when she first donned her jet-black robes...

— 

Gamma 72, “Nightingale” by @throjnx

Any crime boss worth their salt knew the prospect of having an immortal assassin at your beck and call was too good to be true. It was. The Erlkings, on the other hand, were a two-bit smuggling racket that saw Nightingale as their ticket out of the Fifth District, whose residents could scarcely afford their services or protection fees. 

It worked, for a time. None of the other gangs in their district had managed to snag a Gamma NULL, and they quickly packed up and left once dozens of their number went missing, and police seldom bothered to venture that far out. But the Erlkings hadn’t anticipated how much Chronos Nightingale required nor how pure it had to be, neither of which their supplier could provide. 

When they tried making up the difference using threats and blackmail, there was only one way things could end.

—

Alpha 27, “Nina” by @HihumiHii

Like a spider spinning its web, the labyrinthine catwalks and cramped alleys of New Mecca are the perfect hunting ground for a femme fatale like Alpha 27. Her clientele are exclusive and her fees exorbitant, but her unique skillset is enough to outwit any bounty hunter and even the occasional Gamma NULL. 

Using a vast network of tripwires and strings that crisscross her territory, she can detect activity through the slightest vibrations, from the pounding of raindrops to the footsteps of a potential victim. Most never glimpse their killer, strangled or sliced to bits in her near-invisible webs of razor wire. Others hunt her fruitlessly, unaware she has long since fled.

Outside of contract killings, she frequents the most exclusive social circles in New Mecca to flaunt her mysterious wealth, and is one of the few assassins capable of operating in the near-impenetrable First District thanks to her unsuspecting government acquaintances.

—

Gamma 87 by childrenofgungnir

For Gamma 87, each day is a constant battle between “Life’s pretty OK. I got a steady gig and plenty of the blue stuff,” and “What am I still doing here? We lost the war. I keep this up, I’m going to end up dead.” 

It’s been over half a decade since Charlotte experienced a panic attack or felt stress at the thought of taking a human life, back when she could still count her kills on two hands. These days, it seems to come easier. 

Whenever she sees a penniless Alpha sulking at the bar in withdrawal, she counts her blessings under her breath. But Charlotte can’t help but feel that she’s lost a part of herself in those intervening years—the heartbroken daughter who would have tearfully begged her parents why they let the men in suits take her, instead of the swordswoman who casually sliced them to pieces and emptied their pockets. 

Every time, she stops the train of thought right there. Maybe it’s better this way.

By childrenofgungnir

— 

Gamma 21, “Lil’ Tomato” by @531012733Kyling

There are few things that can surpass the power of effective teamwork, something Gamma 21 and his partner-in-crime Gamma 37 exemplify. Brains and brawn. Long-distance sniping and up-close fisticuffs. Terrible guitar-playing and midnight drag races. 

21 is another in a long line of NULL with an affinity for music but almost no talent for it. Zero’s noisy neighbors can’t compare to the tedium of hearing 21 croon and pluck at the same few sour chords for hours, and his housemate 37 certainly doesn’t seem like someone who would put up with it for long.

For some reason, passerby don’t leave him as much money when 37 is hanging around...

By @531012733Kyling

—

Gamma 37 by @531012733Kyling

While other Gamma troopers favored blades and bullets, Gamma 37 preferred to pummel her enemies with both fists, aided by a pair of high-powered “boxing gloves” that amplified every blow. She scoffed at rookie NULL trying to deflect bullets with their puny blades as her gauntlets easily shielded her from volleys of machine gun fire—that is, until an errant anti-materiel round shattered her glove and nearly took her hand with it.

In the the intervening years, 37 has developed a custom fighting style based around her remaining gauntlet, learning to instead shift her weight and weave between enemy blows to deliver a bone-shattering right hook. She’s even able to use it while riding her motorbike, which has proved invaluable in chasing down targets.

By @531012733Kyling

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Alpha 12, “Green Demon” by @IDUnknownForte

Whoo, I’ll have to tread carefully on this one. Alpha 12 is apparently a transplant from a Katana ZERO roleplay server, so she likely has lots of existing history that I don’t want to tread on. 

What I will say is that I love the idea of a NULL dive bar like Lucky’s Bar and Grill. On Friday night, all the down-and-out assassins trudge in to their usual seats, get extremely drunk, and yell about how they’d better start getting some respect because they “could level *hic* this whole f*cking city if [they] wanted to”, all while Alpha 12 slowly nods her head from behind the counter and pours out another round. Long live the revolution.

—

Beta 13, “Kata” by @couriervictor

Survival in the Third District is a daily struggle. But for every soldier, there comes a point where survival is no longer enough. 

Working for Dr. Alvensleben brought Kata to this point quickly—watching the doctor run hapless trespassers through impossible deathtraps day after day, hunting down targets for an employer he’d never met in person, and receiving his Chronos syringes via a *clink* in the pneumatic tube and a stilted pre-recorded message. 

With hope of Gamma 9 stumbling into the Slaughterhouse fading bit by bit, Kata considers the consequences of crossing the only man with the knowledge and resources to manufacture Chronos, and whether he would survive...

—

Alpha 19, “Tameiki” by @matowaar

There are few NULL who could claim to know Tameiki to any degree; to most, she was a terrifying, twitchy blur of facial features, zipping from room to room and victim to victim with inhuman speed. Only her closest squadmates, in moments of intense time dilation, could catch a glimpse of her true face, and even then only an expressionless mask resigned to marching alone amidst an army.

Though still communicating chiefly through writing, she has attempted to overcome her unique circumstances through focused training, such as remaining motionless for extended periods or slowing her speech enough to be audible to average human perception. She has even experimented with Chronos withdrawal, testing if the gradual ebbing of time can let her experience life at the same speed as those around her. 

If the ultimate fate of any NULL is to become frozen forever in time, how much longer would that eternity feel to Tameiki...?

—

Beta 12, “Twelve” by @fresh_fren

What’s easily broken is not so easily put back together. 

Since the Cromags didn’t fully grasp the concept of a ‘non-combatant’, Beta 12′s pacifism in the field earned her ridicule from both her comrades and the enemy. While other NULL treated battles as competitive killing sprees, for Twelve each encounter was like an escort mission—an unending effort to protect squadmates who loved nothing more than charging at machine gun nests with a knife. Can you imagine how frustrating that was?

Despite braving death to retrieve her teammates countless times, she was seldom recognized for her courage, and it became disheartening to incapacitate enemies non-lethally only to watch another NULL shoot them in the head moments later. 

Understandably, she hasn’t bothered keeping in touch with her former comrades, and few would believe a kind-hearted pacifist like her was once a veteran, anyway...

—

Gamma 75, “Elvis” by A Dishrag

"Hitting the broad side of a Cromag hut” was a corny insult that floated around New Mecca during the war, but for Elvis it was a job description, one that he was embarrassed to mention during the morning briefings or off-duty get-togethers at the local bar. ‘Tactical demolition’, he called it, but he knew it was an excuse; most of the sheet-metal huts he destroyed could’ve been knocked over by stiff breeze, not a state-of-the-art EMF railgun firing slugs at 4,000 meters a second.

At least they let him keep the uniform and gun when he left the corps, though “let” would be a strong word for it. He simply stuffed the gear into a Sakura Redux X Gaiden shoulder bag and walked out of the barracks, never to return. So far no one’s called him about it, so he figures it’s safe enough to incorporate into his cosplay outfit as long as he keeps the safety on. Right?

—

Gamma 13, “Reaper” & Gamma 14, “Mr. Bomber Glove” by @LoverHigh24

Twice the NULL, twice the withdrawal. It seems some Gamma NULLs, particularly those with complementary skillsets, stuck together in the aftermath of the war instead of turning on each other in their addiction. Rain and Kyle found common ground in their countryside roots, having worked as a team in the final days of the conflict and both sensing the war effort going south.

They’d bid farewell to their neighbors years ago, ready to die as they marched off to war. They agreed they’d be happy enough to see home one last time and spend the eternity lying in their childhood beds, instead of some seedy Third District bar. Yet, as mysterious new shipments of ‘dirty’ Chronos began flooding the market, they find themselves fighting against their former comrades to uncover the source...

—

??? by @Mr_BowerBird

You’re right, spear guy. I don’t know.

I don’t know quite what to make of this guy. His weapon, a Japanese naginata, is quite cool, but last I checked the Cromags didn’t really fight on horseback. His dossier had no name, NULL class, or number. There are no Gamma, Beta, or Alpha NULL OCs I’ve received with the number ‘32′ that was mentioned in his bio. Wish I had more to say, but it feels like I fell asleep in history class and only caught the last three minutes of an hour-long lecture.

— 

Alpha 22 by @nbsmgnm

As an Alpha-series cadet, poor Antonio saw action in the opening weeks of the Cromag conflict—before the NULL program became semi-public knowledge, before the “child killings” were in the Second District papers and protest signs, and long before the introduction of Gamma NULL, who didn’t much care who they killed. 

When an enemy sniper had his squad pinned down from a high forest ridge, Antonio was ordered to flank them while the others drew their fire. Tactically, it was sound: he was the smallest and thus stealthiest member of the team. But what he found was  a Cromag child prone in the grass, barefoot and scanning the jungle treeline with a rifle far twice his size. A boy or girl, he couldn’t tell nor recall afterwards, for the next thing he remembered was being pulled off their mutilated corpse, his fingers around a bloodied combat knife and voice hoarse from screaming. 

His commander patted him on the back and congratulated for a job well done, ignoring the bloodshot terror in his eyes. For weeks after he was plagued by nightmares, his hands awash in red and multicolored eyes, so many eyes, staring from the jungle in all directions. 

His death would later be ruled as a suicide. He would not be the last.

—

Gamma 44, “Luminous” by @hieroparsley

Sometimes, one of the best reasons to keep fighting is for another person—not a partner in crime, but someone to protect. At some point, Luminous was as her ward Anomaly is now: aimless and regretful, fearing for their life but lacking any reason to keep living. Since Luminous took care of the government agents who had tracked Anomaly from her Third District apartment and hacker lair, the two have been evading their watchful eye ever since. 

Sometimes their friendship is marred by arguments over what to do with Anomaly’s data on the NULL project: Luminous seeks to disseminate it to the public, either via the cybernet or print, while Anomaly argues for simply destroying the data, in the meager hopes it will save them from the government crosshairs. But Luminous has seen what they’re capable of; she remembers torching the homes of Cromag ‘collaborators’ even after they housed and sheltered New Meccan troops. Forgiveness is not in their vocabulary.

— 

Anomaly by @hieroparsley

—

And, at last, we’re done. 

Over the past month, it’s been great seeing not only the diverse and interesting backstories various artists derived from the scant details of Katana ZERO’s world, but also the friendships that sprang up between fan artists, drawing tributes of each other’s OCs befriending/antagonizing one another and creating an immersive world of NULL just under New Mecca’s surface. It’s been a magical thing to witness, and I hope it continues

A deep thank-you to everyone who submitted their OC to this multi-series showcase, and I’m sorry if it took until now to see your character featured. I needed to save some of the best for last!

I originally planned this event as a finale for the Katana ZERO Fan Art Fridays, but since people seem to be enjoying them, next week I’ll be returning to ‘theme weeks’ for a regular schedule. 

Truly, we are...”all the warriors”!

By @wqwrppwu